A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm 19 years old and i'm completely lost with what im doing with my relationship life. I've been dating a woman who is in my eyes a very unique "one-of-a-kind" person that i admire very much. She doesn't believe in hooking up with people unless they are in a relationship for a bit, she's very outgoing and gets along with my family as if it were her own, just all around an amazing girl in my eyes. Our personalities fit perfectly. She is pretty much exactly like me sense of humor and personality wise and what not.My problem is i've always had a hard time commiting to things. Im a very musically talented person but i tend to get super stoked about learning new things and progressing at guitar but then i just tend to do something else with my life. I've always wanted to be a firefighter but then i wanted to be a doctor, then a radiologist. I just can't seem to commit to anything in life or anyone for that matter. Regarding my EX girlfriend now, we've broken up like 13 times because i've always had stupid reasons to break up(i want to see other people, i dont get to see my friends anymore, i dont have time anymore). We've been together for like 5 years on and off because i always back away for some reason when everything is going AMAZING. we rarley EVER fight until i start to become a moron and become bored or afraid of not being able to meet someone who might fit me better.I'm afraid because we are talking again and i love her all over again but then i dont want to jump into a relationship again because i dont want to screw it up again. Let alone my chances of getting our relationship to spark at all at this point is on its last string cause its like the 13th time ive done this and i have no excuses let alone i cant explain to myself the reason.what's wrong with me? should i take counseling or something? i love being with her and i know im young and still have plenty of time but i know shes the one. then again the next minute im afraid shes not.i dont know if this is something to do with my childhood or anything because my family had alot of problems. My brother started getting into drugs and at a point in my life got me into them as well(everything except heroine). my parents got divorced cause my mother found out that my father was sleeping with a crapload of women and i saw my dad break my moms nose. my mom kicked me out when i was 17 and slept on the street for a week then after that i kind of got my life together and everything is looking up EXCEPT my FREAKING RELATIONSHIP.what. is. wrong. with. me?it's driving me completely insane.help me.
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male
reader, Perspicacious  +, writes (13 August 2009):
It's tempting to say that you sound like a perfectly normal 19 year old to me!
I suspect if I did say that I wouldn't be wrong, but the last things you say in your post make me think it would be better to hold back slightly from such a pronouncement.
Such experiences can make it more difficult for someone to commit to a relationship -it is natural to be wary after being (or witnessing, in the case of your parents) hurt and devastation.
Only you know how you feel about the situations in your past, and if you feel that talking them through with someone (in other words, a counsellor) might help you then there is absolutely no shame in that. And, it certainly can't do any harm and might possibly do a load of good!
I presume your girlfriend knows all about what happened in the past? Of course, there are no guarantees but I suspect that if you told her everything you've told us in your question (why not print it out?) she might be tempted to give you another chance... having read it I hope she does!
And if she does just take it slowly, you're dating and enjoying spending time together. The time to make a lifelong commitment to each other hasn't arrived yet - as you say, there is plenty of time for that in the future.
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