A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:more confused than ever!i posted here before. i met a guy online a couple months back, talked on phone, emailed, then we met about a month ago.we laughed,chatted, major eye contact! he was supposed to return in a couple days, but he didnt. over a week went by, and i sent him a message saying youre a sweetheart, and good luck to you...basically. he messaged me back saying he thought i didnt want him to come back, and that he wanted to see me again. we emailed back n forth a few times, but when i tried to call him there was never an answer, and took him a few days to reply to my emails. nonetheless, he did eventually call and cement the deal, after asking me repeatedly how many days i could get away from work...we went on a little trip together, spent the weekend. was kind of awkward for me, it was part business trip for him, but we were together the whole time. the first night he seemed fidgety, seeming like he didnt want to be near me, but we had fun talking and hanging out. the next day i asked him straight out why he wanted me to come with him, cause i wasnt sure what he wanted...he didnt really say although he was much warmer toward me that evening, no sex, just sweet cuddles, which was nice. we laughed and laughed and laughed. had an awesome time! the next day,as we were getting ready to head back, we had a misunderstanding, but cleared it up, i think? (he said we were "good") he brought me home then booked a room, heading back home in the morning. (sorry this is so long)i asked him if he wanted to get together later, he said "i would like that" i waited till MUCH later before i called, he had fallen asleep. (i was tired too, but i didnt want to fall asleep and miss the chance to see him, these are the kinds of things that make me doubt he even cares)i asked him a couple times if i should just let him go (off the phone), he said its ok, then when i said i was coming over, he said maybe not a good idea, getting late, need sleep, etc,(yes/no/yes/no) i was a dumbass and persisted, went there for about 20 minutes to say goodbye. he was still smiling away, then pretty much kicked me out! he is SO hard to read. yet he asked me on the phone AND when i was at the room if i wanted to go away with him again. he wants to see me again, but he blows hot n cold, and id REALLY like if we had a little more contact in between. i did kinda mention this during our chat about what he wants with me (he didnt really tell me anything). i also told him i liked him, so that he KNOWS. i just dont want to waste my time on someone that isnt really interested, and im so confused. i think i made it clear that i enjoy his company, that im interested in him, etc, but the only thing i really got out of him was "i feel really comfortable with you...i hang out with my buddies and act like this, not usually women"!! some hugs/kisses,cuddles, lots of laughs, and wicked eye contact still...he says hes coming back in a few weeks....did i answer my own question here? lmao!! but now nothing in between? what is up with the hot and cold? is he scared? or is it just no big deal until next time kinda thing? im already unnerved by his lack of communication, im a very up front person.i guess i have to just let it go and see what happens. i just hate not knowing...im torn between "wait n see" and "write him off" HEEEELP! LOL Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): thanks much for your answer. yes, ive considered he's married, but i dont think its cut and dry. he has shared some things with me, and ive paid attention for clues. i have noticed he tosses his phone aside, but has also checked/played his messages within earshot. ive watched for him sneaking off for a call, but havent really seen that either. and one of the things i dont understand...if he has a wife, why would he be taking ME to look at houses to buy, and asking for my input? wouldnt that be something hed do with his wife? i do not have his home phone number, but does he even have one? or just cell phone? ya, this has crossed my mind. when he takes a few days to respond to my emails, never answers his phone, im thinking he is just busy,or ya, has someone at home...orrrrr, hes just not that into me. but then why want to spend his days off with me? i think he may still be involved with his ex, and struggling with it. in fact our argument was because i asked him to stay at my house his last night in town, he declined then went on to tell me he was going to visit his ex mother in law (he said shes very sick)for a couple hours. my first thought was if hes still involved he cant explain why he didnt stay in a room, and that visiting his mother in law on this trip was all part of what he told his supposed ex? but again, why wouldnt he bring "her" to see her own mother???? well, not only were my feelings hurt by a "no" but then to find out hes still connected to someone else, after he told me he was spilt. we talked about about this. i seperated the two. probably not a good idea for him to stay in my home at this point, agreed. and HE agreed that its probably not a good idea to maintain close contact with his exes family until everythings resolved in full....if its true that he has severed ties with her. we both apologized. the thought of writing him a letter, thats a good idea, but i just dont want to push it, i really like him, but if hes not feeling it too, theres nothing i can do. and also, i dont want to pressure him. he has to figure it all out on his own. i think he needs alot of space, but i wont pass up another date in the meantime. i did mention he doesnt answer his phone, takes days to answer an email, then wants to spend his days off with me...basically whats up with THAT? what the hell do you want???? he just said hes doing stuff on his property. there is no lack of conversation, we always laugh, it feels good, there is no pressure, and of course no sexual pressure whatsoever. i KNOW the feeling is there though, every time i look at him i melt. he is looking into my eyes, smiling, my heart races. oh someone please save me lol
A
female
reader, Star xxx  +, writes (6 July 2011):
 Have you considered this man may be married?
It may be that he wants company when he is away from home.
Hey i might well be wrong but it does seem to be unusual behaviour, either that or his last relationship was a bad one so he is holding back abit.
In my experience the only way to truely find out is to lay it on the line, maybe drop him a letter so he is not put under any pressure face to face.
Tell him exactly how you feel everything that you have told us and then leave it, if you get no responce then you have your answer.
Dont contact him again after the letter and leave it in his hands, it may sound harsh but i thinkits the only way without you wasting lots of time and energy on something thats not really there.
Take care xx
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