A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone... I want to know your opinions on this:Im in a long distance relationship with my bf, but I do not trust him completely. the reaons being is that he has lied to me before about small stuff, like meeting up with a friend (who is also a female) and he swears he is telling the truth. Which has made me trust him even less. He always SWEARS he has told me the truth ALWAYS, but I dont belive that because I've seen him lie to others and myself. Like lying to his friends that he has gone to a pub/bar with me when we havent been in one. Or lying to me that he has not spoken to a person in months, when I know they spoke last week. Small stuff like that.Im not the accusing paranoid kind of gf, but I notice he lies about small stuff, that I ask nonchalantly... like "who is going to the concert with you?" "me cousin" and its the same friend of hisI know that he is not blind and that he can cheat if he wants to because we are in a LRD which is why I dont take our commitment as serious.Like Im prepared for when he cheats on me, because of his lies I cannot trust him. He wants us to get engaged and he gave me a promise ring, but I cant be engaged and be serious about someone I cant trust fully. If we were together it would be different, but he is around other people far away from me, and he has gone out with a friend he had feelings for in school, even if not romantically, I still think that he could fall for her or someone else, so Im not putting my energy into this relationship, because Im conscious that he has lied to me about small stuff like eating lunch with a girl or stuff like this...Am I wrong to do this? I mean I figure since its long distance, and he lies about stuff, he can easily be lying... is it wrong that I fell like this? I wanna trust him but not BLINDLY, like Im always aware that even if he is with me he is not blind, so I let him go out and do his stuff because I dont want to force him to be faithful to me... why do I feel like this? I thi k im a great girl, and Im confident he wont find a girl like me or a relationship like ours, but since I cant provide physical confront, I think that he can maybe start to fall for someone else...Also since he has lied about stuff like going to lunch with friends and stuff... I have stopped believing in him... like everything he says, I never confront him..but I always doubt it, I dont take his word for granted.How can I explain to him that he has betrayed my trust so I cant trust him? I feel like im protecting myself so I cant be hurt, the idea of trusting someone blindly its just strange to me... he will always have desires anyway.. :S so I dont expect him to be completed faithful, but the fact that he lies about small stuff..how can I explain this to him? That I cant be engaged because I understand he is not completly trustworthy... he has never admitted to a lie, he just literally swears it isnt him. Am I right in my thinking?
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cousin, engaged, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 July 2011):
 I am in an LDR... you have to trust. IF YOU DON"T trust you can't do this.
you say you don't trust him and you don't take the commitment seriously... so then why take his ring?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 July 2011):
 How is it that you are in an LDR in the first place? How often do you see him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): Is NOT some abstract concept, I meant.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): Trust is part of the very foundation of any healthy relationship and without that you have absolutely nothing to build upon. Until you walk away completely you, in fact, ARE putting energy into it.
Your 'boyfriend' was born and raised on the same planet as the rest of us. The connection between trust and honesty is some some abstract concept he needs to have explained to him. Trying to get him to understand is pointless. He already does understand. He just doesn't care enough to do anything about it.
Long distance relationships are impractical and unfair to everyone involved. Even more so when you can't even believe in your partner. Please do yourself a favour and have a real relationship with someone local. Don't make or accept big promises for some vague future.
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