A
male
age
36-40,
*uikslver39
writes:So I saw my ex this weekend. We have been broken up for 6-7 months and had agreed to cut off all communicaiton with each other.Nevertheless, she made the extra effort to come and see me at a bar with some mutual friends. She was well aware that I was there and the first thing she did was come and talk to me.I treated her like anyone else in the room, I did not want to cause any drama. She kind of clung to me the whole night (told me she had a dream about me, kept asking me questions about my life, etc.) and couldn't get the hint from me that I really did not want to speak with her.And of course, many drinks later - it's me and her at the end of the night. (I messed up at one point when I told her that she looked really good and I wanted to sleep with her) This came after we had a long hug which she had tried to get from me all night. I told her I had a place to stay. She then recommended we go back into the bar and take some shots and "go crazy". She says she wants me to come over, and I can "sleep on the couch".Anyway, I didn't do anything - reason kicked in and I hailed a cab and pretty much left her on the street.My question is, what is the deal with this girl? Immediately after we broke up she slept around...A LOT - including with a friend of mine. She has told me she feels terrible for it. But now, she has a new boyfriend who she met on match.com about 3 weeks after we stopped talking.Seeing her made me realize how much I missed her, but at the same time she is out of my life and I have good reasons for not wanting to be with her.
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male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (1 June 2011):
 Girls are complicated, man.
Some girls just want to feel wanted. They love the attention. They like to know that you long for and desire them, even if they don't want to be with you.
If they start to think that you might be getting over them, or might be moving on, they will do something to try to catch your attention again.
I had the same thing happen with an ex. She dumped me. I cut her out of my life and moved on. 7 months later she sees me with another woman, and she goes nuts. She started stalking me at work, but claiming she wasn't.
She would call me in private and tell me she wanted things to be cool between us again, but then in public if i tried to talk to her she would claim i wouldn't leave her alone and make a big scene and make me look horrible.
If she saw me with another girl out and about, she would come over and strike up a conversation with the sole-intent of making me look bad in front of this new girl.
I asked her if she wanted to get back together (heck, i WANTED to get back together!) but she would say "no" and call me a stalker and a creep.
However, any attempt i made to move on she would attempt to thwart.
Finally, when all else failed and i stopped even acknowledging her, she went out and actually scratched my car all up.
I told her that if she wanted to get back together i was more then happy, i missed her. She didn't want that. She just didn't want me moving on with anyone else, either.
I would just ask her to leave you alone, next time.
A
female
reader, zebralove +, writes (1 June 2011):
 The reason she is doing this is because she is trying to fill in the pain she has from the brake up by gettin attention from other men. I think she still loves you and missis you, witch is completly normal but her way of fixing things is not the good way. She is getting a quick fix by sleeping around and her new bf is probably a rebound, who knows? And you also miss her witch is normal and seeing her might of braught up memories of the good times you shaired witch makes you miss her more. But that doesnt mean you guys will work out. It is realy up to you and I know that you must have good reasons of not wanting to be ther her and she probably does to.
Enywais I hope this helps, if she tries to comonicate with you againe and you dont want to maybe talking to her about how you feel and why you dont want to speak with her would help?
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (1 June 2011):
 Ok, so you don't want anything to do with this girl, for obvious reasons, she shouldn't be flirting with you when she has a boyfriend. But to be fair, you clearly didn't make this clear enough to the woman, or she wouldn't have continued to cling to you all night, in fact you said you'd like to sleep with her. You're giving her the wrong signals. If you truely don't want to know her, make it loud and clear. Don't talk to her! If she starts talking to you at a party, reply then walk away and talk to someone else. Or tell her you don't want to know her. But you didn't do this. You contuined to talk to her and it seems like you were flirting. You say you realized how much you missed her, so I guess you still have some feelings for her, even though you know she isn't right for you. When we're drunk, we do tend to act on impulse and emotion more than reason and logic. You realise you made a mistake, as you clearly believe she isn't the type of girl you want to be with. So move on from thinking of her and this incident, and don't speak to her again.
As for what is with her, who knows? Maybe she just doesn't know what she wants, which is probably why she sleeps with lots of guys. Either that or she is a "sex and the city" type of woman who just enjoys having sex, and hasn't found the right bloke to settle down with yet. Nothing wrong with that. But I don't condone her actions with you when she has a boyfriend, even though you didn't actually sleep together.
That's my 2 cents :)
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