A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We broke up about 3 weeks ago. We were in a long-distance relationship. It was her that broke up with me, but after a week I realized that it was for the best, so it's mutual.I still really love her, and she still has strong feelings for me (but doesn't love me), but the timing is completely off. Although she has said she does not want to think about the future, I told her I would be back for her when the time is right (within the next year or two) and she said that we never know what will happen. If it's meant to be it will be.We have agreed to stay friends for now, and we talk most days, we still sometimes say that we miss each other and our conversations are still intimate and not just friends conversations. Usually we reminisce about the good times when we were not long distance.My question is, do I move on or do I keep us alive. I mean this in the sense that right now we are not 'just friends', we are closer than that but we are not together at all. By keeping so close with each other it does not allow either of us (I'm guessing at her perspective) to move on and it creates room for potential conflict if either of us finds somebody else.On the other hand, the fact that we don't get over each other might lead to something a year from now as we don't lose our connection. It gives us freedom but also lets the other know that I'm still waiting.Or, I could tell her that we can be just simple friends, and keep in touch. We would lose touch and talk every once in a while. That way in a few months we will both have completely moved on with our lives (or not still). This way we would move on and potentially sabotage the future or on the other hand make each other realize what we mean to the other.If not for the distance we would be together, and we both understand that right now its just the timing, its not meant to be at this time in our lives. I don't want to move on because I think I have found the 'one' for me, I'm sure. But what is the best way?What is the best option here? Thanks!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2012): Thanks for all the replies. You're right that was me asking the other question.
I am going to cut loose and do my own thing for a while. I'm going to move on.
Theres no point in stressing about the past and worrying about the future. Im going to live for the present, and she does not belong in it at the moment. Thanks again!
A
female
reader, Bulka +, writes (9 August 2012):
My boyfriend is in same situation right now he think want to get back after a year or two but I want it now because I hate been lonely and I hate to w8 for him if I dont have to. There is no trust for you there if she is just waisting time with you or not. 2 years is a long time and I personally will not w8 for my boyfriend if he thinks like this I just move on.The problem is he don`t tell me that at least you told her.
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A
female
reader, Aemita  +, writes (9 August 2012):
 I can't stress this enough...and by the way, you sound awful much like a previous poster.. is that you?( http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-we-be-friends-casual-acquaintances-or-nothing.html )
IF it's meant to be, it WILL.. but not on her terms, NOR on your terms.
If you're gonna read what i have wrote there, you already know what i think about it. Staying friends at the most.. is one alternative. Giving the both of you some space, would be however, strongly recommended. You already said, she isn't in love with you any longer. So then i ask myself... why do you want to 'force' her hand? Just because of "what ifs?"
I said it a thousand times and people never listen to me. Life is to freaking short to spend it dangling in the air, living in a bubble... Life is meant to be present, life means having your feet on the ground, life is supposed to be short YET sweet.. filled with happy memories... and ZERO regrets.
Please concentrate on the HERE & NOW.. because whether you want to admit it or not, that's the time and space we're living in. Future.. is subjective.. future is unstable.
A lot of things can happen in a year.. heck, a lot of things can happen in week. So do yourself a favour and try to live for today, 'cause tomorrow you might be hit by a truck!
You can't hold the pieces together, once the vase has been broken. You need time to re-analyse the situation. And for that, you definitely need Time and Space apart from each other.
Move on with your life, let her move on with hers... and if the bond between you is strong enough, 'justice will prevail' (aka, you'll find a way back to each other).
But until then, stop keeping your hopes up and stop trying to push her over the edge...
Sorry if i have been blunt. But sometimes, bluntness comes from a loving place, not a hateful one. Don't hold that against me.
Take care dear! ^_~
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2012): I was in your situation a couple of years ago with my long distance boyfriend, and asked myself the same question. I realised that there is also the option that if we stayed friends and remained close, we ran the risk of never missing each other, and also of not moving on. So I decided it was best to take some time of the no contact rule to try and get over my feelings for him, because it was over and I couldn't simply wait around for something that may never happen. A few months after the no contact rule, he contacted me and after some time getting to know each other again he let me know he wanted to try again, we have been together for 2 years next month, we have never been happier and keep getting stronger every day, we are planning to move in together soon. Sometimes having the time and emotional space to realise that you truly want to be with other person is what is needed for a relationship. Find out what is best for you, I decided on the premise that if it was over I had to base my decision on the fact it was over, not on what might happen in the future. Your ex is right if it is meant to be, it will be. Good Luck
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