A
female
age
51-59,
*rueLoveCoach
writes:I'm perplexed at the number of women who tell me they want a man who is nice to them, but in reality, the men they are attracted to and form relationships with are "bad boys." Then they spend their time complaining about how the bad boy behaves and treats them, but something must be attractive about the bad boys, because they stay with them.Lots of "nice guys" wonder why. So do I. What I want to know is this: What is so attractive about the bad boys? Please understand, I'm not talking about domestic violence situations. I just wonder what gives with women who say they want a "nice guy" and instead go for the "bad boy."
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female
reader, MonicaC +, writes (13 June 2009):
 Interesting question. I'm an ex-bad girl myself so I can only speak to the issue from that perspective, but here's my view for what it's worth. The reason other people are attracted to us 'bad' seeds is because we tend to say what we think. We're risk-takers and we will fight for what we believe in to the bitter end if need be. Us bad ones are willing to cross boundaries that most people won't cross. And, we also tend to be more confident and sexually assured.
Now, deep down under the tough exterior can often be a pearl, a heart of gold and a deep sensitivity. Not always, but sometimes, we come off tough, but we're really pussycats.
I've reformed and I don't often take the bad girl pose any longer, BUT I still have enough of my old self to be confident and strong. At the same time, I am deeply kind and loyal. And, if I say I am your friend, then I am your friend until the end of time.
A
female
reader, Sweety Pie  +, writes (13 June 2009):
 Because we think we can be the one to change them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): I'm only attracted to the decent guys, bad boys scare me and I'm mature enough to realize their only good for one thing unless you want your heart broken. Yes SOME girls are attracted to bad boys but I hate it when guys say girls love it when a guy treats them bad, no a weak woman stays put as she dosen't have the strength to leave, she dosen't love it when you treat her bad. The reason bad boys get more girls is because they have more confidence and approach more girls.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (13 June 2009):
 Bad boys are easy. If the relationship goes wrong, the woman can dump all the blame on the guy.
There is also constant emotion. They might be bad emotions but they still provide a sense of drama, that something is happening. Most people in a bad relationship defend it by saying things will get better. That is one of the advantages of being in bad sitution. Things can only get better. If you are the top, things can only worse.
So called bad boys provide women with emotional activity they need, give them something to aim for and are easier. A bad boy takes charge, were as in a nice relationship it is more equal. If then the relationship fails, the woman got to share the blame.
Read the posts about girls complaining about boys a bit more careful. Most of them ain't nice girls. He cheats, but so do they. The relationship often starts out with them being the other woman and they often cheat on their ex to get with the bad boy.
The old myth is that nice girls are attracted to bad boys. Note that is women who claim this. Reality is that bad girls are attracted to bad boys. Of course no bad girl is ever going to admit this.
There are nice girls out there, but they are smart enough to see the difference between a nice guy and a lazy guy. Note my own nick. I am not nice, I am just to lazy to be bad and that ain't the same thing at all.
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A
female
reader, TrueLoveCoach +, writes (13 June 2009):
TrueLoveCoach is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks, Older Sister. Great, well-thought out, insightful answer. The "nice guys" I deal with have a tendency to see things in black and white, thinking that the only solution to attracting women is to be "jerks" instead of learning some skills that are attractive to women.My niche is single women over 40, and I find that many of them say they want nice guys, but they are so angry at men and so eager to control every aspect of a relationship. Some of them admit that they attract men who are "nice guys" and who apparently are looking for someone to take care of them. I don't know if many women are aware of how aggressive they can be and how hard they can be on the men they date. So, what I keep finding, both professionally and in the circles in which I travel, is both men and women who are angry and discouraged when it comes to finding and maintaining successful relationships.I appreciate your giving me some more information to chew on. I really like to understand things from different perspectives and it is helpful to have people give me their ideas and opinions.Michelle
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): Women tend to justify the bad boy thing by saying they like confidence and charming powerful guys.
I don't believe it. Some women do that, but a lot of them just like bad boys because they're bad.
I think it's insulting & bullshitting the nicer guys out there to try to say that women don't do this. It's bullshitting them, and it's also a step towards defending women for something that shouldn't be defended.
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A
female
reader, TrueLoveCoach +, writes (13 June 2009):
TrueLoveCoach is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Daniel,
Yes, yes, yes to "It seems that "bad boys" seem secure of themselves, capable of getting things done, and sexually assertive, while the other guys are hardly a challenge."
I also noticed that many men ask this question on this site and in many other places. My concern is that they tend to think in extremes, deciding that they hate women, having been rejected so often. They think the only cure is to be "jerks" thinking that women must want to be treated badly.
I think you hit the nail on the head and I have read the article, having seen your link previously. Thanks for including it.
Michelle
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 June 2009):
 Good question, one that many a man asks himself. And one that people post very often here in Dear Cupid.
It seems that "bad boys" seem secure of themselves, capable of getting things done, and sexually assertive, while the other guys are hardly a challenge.
Some time ago I found this link, and I post it here when I happen to answer this same question.
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml
Since you're a woman, maybe you can tell us men if all this is true :-).
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