A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A couple of years ago I was seeing a guy whilst at University but he really messed me around and we constantly had an up and down on and off relationship. I then blocked him when I finished Uni which was over a year ago and didn't think of him much at all. Then just this month he contacted a friend of mine asking how he could reach me and my friend said how. He didn't reach out so I messaged him and said you can say whatever you want because I was anxious about what he wanted me for after so long. No reply. I don't understand why he would want to reach out then when I do, he wont say anything?! I am a caring person but I was doing fine without worrying about him. I did love him at the time but I hadn't thought about him in so long then my feelings have come back even though I'm seeing someone else right now! It's like he knows how to affect me?I'm going to try and just forget this but I don't know why he's playing games? Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2018): Thank you N91 you are absolutely right.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (27 August 2018):
 I find it hard to believe you switched off your feelings towards this guy for a year, then suddenly, because he asked your friend about you, your feelings have all come flooding back. You are a very unique human being if you can switch off your feelings like that, especially as you say you loved this guy. I think you are kidding yourself that you haven't thought about him at all in that time. From what you say, he is still living rent-free inside your head. The ember has still not gone out and it has just taken a little episode like this to re-ignite the flame.
Perhaps your current boyfriend is not the right one for you if you have been so affected by your ex's actions. Was he possibly a rebound to help you get over your ex?
As to WHY your ex did this, perhaps he was just looking for a topic of conversation with your friend? What was your friend doing, giving him your contact details without your permission? Is this really a friend or someone who just wants to stir up a bit of intrigue? If one of MY friends had given one of my ex boyfriends my contact details without my prior permission, they would rapidly become an ex friend.
Perhaps your ex is still playing his "up and down, on and off" games and was on an "off" period with his current girlfriend so thought he would reach out to you to see if he could jangle your chain again, like he did when you were together? After all, you ALLOWED him to treat you badly so why would be not assume he could just pick up where he left off? By contacting him, you proved he was right and he now knows he can keep you on the back burner as a "plan B" in case he has no better offers. By the time you contacted him, he will probably have been back "on" with whatever female is being messed around by him currently, so ignored you.
Whatever his reasoning, he is obviously not THAT interested in contacting you, otherwise he would have done by now. Even if he DID contact you, why would you want to leave yourself open to being messed around by him again? Do you not think you are worth much better?
Sweetheart, you need to consign this guy to the past where he belongs if you truly do not want anything more to do with him. Sadly I feel you actually DO want to contact him again and your protestations of not having thought about him for the past year are simple self-delusions.
If your current boyfriend is not enough to take your mind off your ex, let him go to find someone who will love him to the exclusion of all others while you go back to your ex and start the cycle of being badly treated all over again. I believe the universe sends us people as lessons. If we don't learn that lesson, the universe will keep sending us people (or the same person) to try to teach us that lesson. You don't sound to have learned your lesson the first time around.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (27 August 2018):
 Bet you’ve given his ego a good stroke by messaging him. He would probably deny all knowledge of speaking to your friend about you also. How could he not know how to contact you? Absolute crap. Stay out of his games, if he messages you then ignore it. Why would you want to waste your time on someone who messed you around? Why do you even care what we wanted? It wouldn’t be anything of importance, more than likely testing the water to see if he could get back into your underwear.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2018): Thank you aunt_honesty that's really helpful.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 August 2018):
 The worst thing you could have done was contact him, it is not fair to your boyfriend either you reaching out to your ex. He messed you around when you where both together and he is doing the same now! In fact you just played right in to his hands messaging him. It might not be the best time for you to be seeing someone if you get your feelings back over something so small. Take time to yourself to figure out why you would want to contact someone who messed you around so much.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (27 August 2018):
He’s playing games because he’s playing games. It must have given him quite a charge seeing how quickly you jumped to get in touch with him. If he could see this he would probably be giddy with joy. Block him and move on. If he pulls this again ignore him.
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