A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What IS this love?, am i in it?Well ive been dating this girl for about 4years, and been engaged for about 1 1/2 years. She is a great person! Funny, loving, wants to make me feel as good as i can everyday and doesnt care how i look somedays or what i do, she will always love me. But the thing is, its become kinda boring for 4years, seeing her all the time and there is no more mystery or questions in our relationship because we know everything about each other. Ive been fighting with myself for a month if i should break up with her or not because when i see another girl i think of being with her, and what it would be like to date another person than my fiancee.Everytime i WANT to do it i cannot, i cannot stand to hurt her, i cannot think of her crying it makes me soo upset with myself. These thoughts have come off and on for a month because after a few days i figure "i dont want to hurt her and she IS good to me", and im happy for a day or two and the cycle repeats.PLEASE HELP, should i stay or go?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
Have you read the first part of your question? "Ive been dating this girl for 4 yrs" Then the second sentence is "But the thing is its been kinda boring for 4 yrs" I take it you mean its become boring of late love, If you want to leave what seems to me a beautiful person because you are wondering what it would be like to have sex with someone else, I would think very hard about this. Its not everyday you get to have someone accept you for the whole person you are no matter what. And the grass always seems greener on the other side.
What would you feel if she left you? If all along the feelings you were having now were really what she were feeling and hadnt told you? How would you feel if she went out one night and slept with another man? If all you had said in your question was what she was feeling deep down inside as well? And she hasnt said anything for fear of hurting you.
If you are feeling any emotions right now like hurt, or anger, or you just never thought this could be the case as she loves you so much then Id say you loved her. Have you shown her that you feel this way or have you been your loving self as usual just as she is? There are many reasons I ask these questions as sometimes we can take for granted a love so strong that we loose sight of what is really under our noses. You have only stated how you feel but you dont want to hurt her by telling her, How do you no for sure she doesnt feel the same. As if she is so lovely she would not want to hurt you either. Love hunny is being there for a person through thick and thin trusting that person to be honest and truthfull and its also unconditional, You dont come across that often now, so sweetheart before you make your mind up try something different make a change do something exciting for the both of you, Relationships need to be worked on and if in your mind you are still having these feelings then dont secretly hurt her tell her the truth and be honest its best she finds out sooner rather than later, But really think about it first love.. Message me if you need to chat I have only asked these questions to make you think love before you decide what you wish to do TAKE CARE WITH LOVE AND HUGS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A
male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (23 January 2008):
In saving her pain - how much pain are you going through?
She is in love with you and is committed to you in every way you could imagine. You have got yourself somebody very special there which must make this decision a very difficult one.
You could go the rest of your life without finding somebody who loves you as much as this girl does - have you thought about this?
You could end up falling in love with a girl who doesn't love you or doesn't care for you very much - would this be worse?
Maybe suggest doing something unusual, something out of the ordinary and having fun, being unpredictable.
If you have been dating her for this long and you are this young (18-21), then maybe you are wondering what it would be like with somebody else?
We all wonder what the grass would be like on the other side of the fence without seeing how good the field is that we are still in.
What I am putting to you is that your existing field looks pretty good to me at the moment so think very carefully before you make any move that you may live to regret very much indeed.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): Love is a verb a doing word. Your saving her from pain. You say its got boring after 4 years. So do some new things. Have yuou been scuba diving together, learn a musical instrument, go camping. Its not the relationship thats boring, it what your doing.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): heyy well if you dont love this person enough you need to try and talk to her about your feelings you have. but do not mention that you can see yourself with anouther girl
cause that will just hurt the girl try to talk to her and do diffrent things i mean comeon there must be something you have not done or been or even seen try to make it work cause u will no u lost that one thing u loved and u will regret it okay write back please and tell me how it went
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