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male
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid:After spending the past 18 months of my life recovering from to deceit filled relationships. I have found someone who I love. However, I am wondering if her feelings for me have changed from when we first met. We had known each other for about a year when fate finally aligned us to both be single at the same time. I felt that the year of us knowing each other platonically prior to our relationship helped us ease in transition into a couple. The first few months were spectacular. However the past couple of months have been a constant fluctuation. In particular her willingness to be intimate much less in my presence has sharply dropped.I have tried to discuss this with her on several occassions and the end result is always the same catastrophe. She states that I'm overbearing and too co-dependent, which is then followed by an accusation of infidelity. Oddly enough, a short while later after I ask her if she wants to continue our relationship and she can't keep her hands off of me. Then the cycle repeats.My question is, what is she telling me with this behaviour? I've asked her time and time again what she wants, and she always says that she wants me. But if so, why does this cycle repeat? Am I Mr. Right or Mr. Right For Now?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007): I'm no psych professional, but the emotional roller coaster and unfounded infidelity accusations are classic examples of someone with physical or emotional abuse in their background. If this is the case it will take a long time for her to come around if at all. Its her problem to fix. You'll never be able to fix it for her no matter how well you treat her. If you do get her the professional help she needs expect to be her fix it guy and she will move on after she's on the right track. I'm only speaking from my experience and a lot of research after getting involved with someone who was sexually and emotionally abused. Its okay to help someone out, but who's looking out for your best interest? Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2005): I don't know exactly what the case is with your girlfriend, but I too have "hot and cold cycles" but my guy refers to them as mood swings. I really care for my boyfriend and he is perhaps like you- the good boyfriend that cares for his significant other and wants a healthy and meaningful relationship. The problem is with me. Sometimes I treat my boyfriend like crap. When he's telling me how much he loves me, I poke fun at him, call him sappy, think of him as clingy and anything else you can imagine. I can be down right mean when I want to be. At other times I'm the sweetest and most adoring person in his life. Sometimes I don't want him to touch or kiss me and sometimes I can't keep MY hands off of him! The point is that I'm pretty much aware of the emotional rollercoaster he's constantly on being with me, I just can;t help it. When he gets reall mad or upset about the way I treat him, I give in and let him know how I truly feel about him and don't want to lose him. Honestly it lets me know that he's all about me. It's not good what I do to him or what your girlfriend does to you. If the cold cyles outweigh the hot then maybe you should reconsider being in this relationship. But if these cycles are not always present, then bare with her - she can just be moody. Then there's the other possiblity that she's really not that into you and only with you because you treat her good? My bf tells me that he doesn't need the things i put him through, but he wants to be with me, so he'll work with me. Really take a step back and look at your relaionship with her. Best of luck
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (6 October 2005):
 Couldnt have said it better myself, dangarwe.
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A
male
reader, dangarwe +, writes (5 October 2005):
i think that your girlfriend is not as serious as you are and by noticing that you are serious she's put you on a leash and sat you down on a begging mat, next time round don't ask her if she wants to be with you tell her you are leaving and this time put her on the begging mat let her ask after you . you have gone through a lot already don't groom another heartbreak .
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (5 October 2005):
 I think she sounds just as confused as you are. If she won't talk to you about how she really feels, there's not much you can do, I'm afraid. I think you need to give her some space, say you need a short 'break' so you can both think about what you want from the relationship and where you both think it's going. If she won't open up to you, this will continue forever so do something about it for the better. Good luck :)
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