A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:What is he playing at? should I just move on? There's this guy that I really like. We're chatting and getting to eachother at the moment.But he's putting me off him.. He's playing hard to get, I really hate it cos I like him a lot. We were meant to go to the movies yesterday I didn't hear from him and he didn't show. But he rang me later on in the evening. I rang him back, he told me he was busy and would ring me back but he didn't.Sometimes he's sweet and when I think we're getting somewhere he'd ignore me.He's turning me off him.What should I do?P.s I think he's still upset about his relationship that ended a year and half ago.Thanks..x
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (31 August 2011):
Hi there. 18 months ago is quite a while to still not be over a broken relationship.
Nevertheless, he could be merely protecting himself against getting hurt, so that might be why he is hesitating to actually start dating you.
You haven't said here, what the situation is you're in -
(1) Do you go to school together?
(2) Or, do you work together?
(3) Or, is it that you just know each other socially?
I'm trying to establish the environment in which you know him, and as to whether it's a case of you see each other all day every day, or only on weekends.
This can possibly change what I say.
In any case, it probably doesn't really matter which one it is, I guess.
The main point here is, it does seem that he is indecisive as to whether he feels ready to enter the dating scene again.
It's possible he might have been hurt in the breakup of that last relationship 18 months ago. Perhaps that girl let him down badly and didn't respect him, or did some nasty things to him, while they were in that relationship.
Sometimes in life it's a case of - "Once bitten, twice shy." Especially when it comes to relationships.
There is often that innate fear that if they start taking girls out once again, that they will get their hearts broken again. So because of that, there's a certain lack of trust, to begin with at least.
So then even if they do decide to date, they will most likely hold back with their feelings for a while, until they are sure it's safe to express them openly. It's not so uncommon. It's self-preservation.
I say this, because of him making a date with you to go to the movies, then simply not turning up at all.
He's still hesitant to take that first step, just in case he gets in too emotionally deep, and then gets hurt all over again.
This is something only he can overcome on his own, you can't change how he feels about relationships - only he can do that.
So perhaps in the meantime, just remain friendly towards him. Don't remind him of letting you down the other day. Just forget about it altogether.
And don't push for another date with him - just don't go there. Act like it never happened. It's clear that at the moment he just isn't ready for dating yet. He might have thought he was, however when it came to the crunch, he got a bit scared off by the idea, and so he was a no show.
Don't give him a hard time about it, or ignore him. It's nicer if you can gain an understanding of it, and be content to simply be friends for now.
Most relationships start out by first being good friends, and then if things and feelings change over time, it can often evolve into more of an emotional connection - boyfriend and girlfriend status.
So because of that, don't give up on him just yet. He probably is a really nice guy, I'm sure. It's just that he might still be bleeding from the last relationship - in a manner of speak, that is.
It's going to take some time for him to learn to trust girls again, so be patient with him - and be kind, considerate and respectful. He'll appreciate that.
Trust is what he is having issues with here, and trust is a very important part of all relationships. Without trust, a relationship will not work.
In time, he will learn to trust again.
So don't take this personally. It's not about you - it's about him.
A
female
reader, whatisthat  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 I think whats mainly attracting you to him is the chase. It seems as though he's putting a little barrier around himself most likely from his past relationship...for some people it takes time to get closure...you don't want to be his rebound girl, because that sucks. What you should do, in my opinion is just go with the flow, he plays hard to get then you should as well...keep yourself occupied but still keep in contact with him. Show him you're serious and that he can't play you whenever he wants to. This way he'll learn to respect you and might become somewhat more attracted to you because you'll be keeping him on the edge of his toes...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): Ask him about this past relationship he had, is there a possibility he still has feelings for her?
If not, you should put him in his place, if he is willing to let you run after him, why cant you do the same?:)
If this guy is going to continue to not show up you should confront him.
Best of luck!xxx
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