A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for two years and love him so much and still find him very attractive, but when it comes to sex i just cant be bothered....When we first got together we were doing it all the time but its faded to only about once every two weeks. He loves sex and always wants it, but i always feel too tired and its just so much effort especially as i find it hard to climax and really have to think about it, so it doesn't often happen which is very frustrating!I would love to make my boyfriend happy but it's just so much effort and i get nothing out of it!Is this normal?Thanks x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): I kno just what you mean.. Its soo crazy how I have to actedall of the time, if I'm honest I don't think I have ever climax !! I've always thought something was wrong with me and I always think to mytself that my boyfriend will sleep with someone else ane enjoy it much better because she will orgasm.. Another thing is iv been with my partner two years and I'm still a bit shy to put it too much work when I'm on top incase I embarries myself or he thinks 'what the hell is she doing' and because I think these things so much during sex it take's my mind of climaxing.. HELP what should I do ???
A
male
reader, Ashley0112358 +, writes (31 August 2011):
 Well in my experience yes this is very normal.Me and my Gf have been together 6 years (in november) and we found that the same thing happened to her after the 2 year mark. Although difference is, she can still climax.It has put a lot of strain on our relationship, but i love her to bits, and at the moment can still cope with little to no sex.Fine it sometimes frustrates me, but we have talked about it and there is not a lot WE can do, i put WE cause its something we should both work on.I suggest visiting the doctor, and seeing what they think. It could be diet, stress, contraceptive pill, or any other number of things.main thing is, to discus it with your partner, let him know its not his fault nor yours.Me and my girlfriend are still yet to find a solution, but i wish you all the best.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): Sadly yes, it is normal. Something women can learn from men is to be confident and decisive about getting what they want.Your focus should be on making yourself happy, not your boyfriend. I don't mean think only of yourself to the detriment of everyone else. I do mean leaving that your boyfriend is an adult and his happiness as well as his orgasm is his own responsibility not yours or anyone else's.Picture yourself having great sex with your boyfriend. What does it look like? What are you doing, not doing or having done to you? Don't answer those questions here, think about them in private. Then start telling him exactly what you need for it to be as good for you. Fellatio seems to be a problem for many young adults, both men and women. The problem being that both seem to think men are entitled to it every time they have sex and that there is something wrong with a woman who doesn't love performing it. Fellatio is a lot of work and very physically uncomfortable for the woman. Much more so than cunnilinguis is. If this is one of the problems you're having then set some realistic limits for yourself and make them clear to your boyfriend. If he badgers or guilt trips you, cut him off completely until he behaves. Anal sex is another. Same rules apply. You are not under any obligation to engage in it. There are risks and the person on the receiving end is the one who assumes most of them. Chances are your boyfriend would be happy to accomodate you if he knew what it was you really wanted. The more fun in bed you have the more he'll have. Learn to be specific.
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