A
male
age
26-29,
*lkalign
writes:I’m with my girlfriend since almost 3 years and none of us were virgins when we get together. For me non virginity is not a problem at all, but since 1 week the idea of someone other than me inside her started to pop up in my head.I love her from all my heart and I really don’t know what’s happening. Any advice on what is going on ? Thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 March 2017):
 I think it's because you love her. When you even said yourself she was your first love and you hers, it makes even more sense. You experience a whole range of new emotions, and part of these new emotions is a deeply rooted wish to have her ALL to yourself, in the future, in the present, and even in the past.
It's instinctual, I would say, because it's not a logical thought. How could she know you even existed before you two met? Right? But yet you wish she knew you and knew she would be with you, and you the same. It's because you love her, and you are IN LOVE/infatuated, which means your emotions are driving you up the wall right now.
I think your thoughts are normal. And I also think that they will pass. It's just a thought that you need to think about, process, come to terms with, and then your thoughts will naturally move on to something else. Don't indulge in these thoughts, and always finish them with the rational and logical voice: she would not be her, was it not for the former experiences. They are part of her, and they are part of what brought her to you. Was it not for her past, she might not be in your arms now. So be grateful for her past, and be grateful for her. If you finish with this thought, then your negative thoughts about her past will eventually just drift away.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2017): I struggled with this for a long time. It can be something that can really destroy things. I actually thought about it so much that it made me feel like what we had wasn't special. I thought, "If someone else was already inside her then it's not special." It was a stupid idea. It led me to cheat on her, and after I did that; I felt so horrible. She didn't deserve that at all.
Force the idea out of your head. The moment it pops up, literally force yourself to think of something else or do something else. If you can't stop it, then literally go see a counselor. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Alkalign +, writes (28 February 2017):
Alkalign is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank for your reply, I've just found what is retroactive jealousy after some research.
a lot of people tend to say it's insecurity about being worst than her ex partner's but I don't think at all I'm worst than him, we have very good sex since almost 3 years and I hope this will continue.She's my first love and I'm her first love.
Since 1 week the thoughts of someone other than me inside her pop up in my head for no reason.
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A
female
reader, Guardian wings  +, writes (28 February 2017):
Think about it this way: Even you have been with someone else earlier. You don't have feelings for that person anymore do you?No one 'owns' anyone. A person can only own him/herself. So be happy that she has full ownership of her body and is using it to show you her affection. Anyone having had a past with her doesn't give a right or ownership to him. So you have absolutely nothing to feel jealous about. I reckon there should be a reason why this is popping up only now, when you have been with each other for 3 years. Think hard; did she mention about her past to you recently? Or is the sex becoming less rewarding for some reason? Is any particular behavior of hers making you feel insecure? Something must have triggered this instinct in you. Try to get in touch with it first.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2017): There are some great articles on retroactive jealously on this site.
Try not to allow the retroactive jealously to take a hold. Otherwise it will dominate your thinking and become ingrained such that every future relationship will be ruined by retroactive jealously.
Get some counseling to overcome this cruel affliction. Your current and all your future relationships will be poisoned by the retroactive jealously.
Ask around until you find a counselor who is a skilled and trained expert on Cognitive Behavoural therapy. They can do wonders to retrain a mind stuck on irrational ideas
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