A
female
age
36-40,
*alichick09
writes:Back in September I met this guy at a bar, he was looking at me like no one had ever looked at me before. I decided to talk to him and give him my number. He called me three days later and we went out on our first date. He was really into me and we started seeing one another Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I was also talking to some other guys, but I decided I wanted to just see him so I wrote him a letter telling him I was really into him and I wanted to date him exclusively. He called me and we had a talk where he said that he didn't want to sleep with anyone else, and he didn't want me to sleep with anyone else, but that he wanted to take things as they came. I agreed with this and we continued having a great time. For the Christmas he went home to Ireland, and when he got back he stopped calling me on Thursdays. Then he said he wasn't pushing me way, but he had to work on Saturdays, and study for an exam on Sundays. We still saw each other, but I was nervous about this. I got really clingy and made a lot of mistakes.Long story short we had another talk and I said I wanted weekends for my friends too, and could we see on another on weekdays as well. He said that he didn't want a girlfriend, but he really liked me. We've been seeing each other for six months at this point. After that conversation he got really distant, and finally he just stopped calling me.I wrote him a letter and told him I cared about him and I was sorry that I had gotten so clingy and I wanted to make things better.He texted me back "I got your letter....i guess I owe you an explanation. Can I see u." So my question is does that text mean it's over? When we meet should I even try to reconcile things or is he just done?
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (11 March 2009):
 Aha... Then I suspect that he is still hung up on the ex and not ready to move on. (Again, just suspect...)
You need to hear him out though, and Gina had a great point about letting him do all the talking before you put in your two cents worth.
Of course, again, I am speculating, but know that even if you two work out that you ALSO have a choice to make between two countries. Choosing the man also means choosing all the other things that make up the man. Moving back to Ireland could mean being around the other woman, and staying in the US means him living away from his family. Even further down the road, your children will have grandparents in two different places, so be aware of all the complications that you are choosing, even if people do this all the time, it's not for everyone!
If you think about things in this light, you probably HAVE had some ideas about the life that you were dreaming of having in the future. Think carefully, and remember that you can only control your own choices, and you can only change yourself, not other people. Take responsibility for what it is you want for your life.
These decisions are your own and knowing yourself well enough to know what will make you happy is the bigger part of your future happiness. Expecting to possibly find it elsewhere if you DON"T know a partner really well isn't the best place to start with a new relationship. Again, speculation on my part.
Skip ahead a few years in your mind and think if that is the right choice for how you picture living your life when choosing a life partner. To to put another way - there's no point in complaining about the long hours and being alone if you are the wife of a traveling salesman and he was one when you married him.
A
female
reader, Calichick09 +, writes (10 March 2009):
Calichick09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know he is not a married man, because I've been to his house before, he lives with his brother and another dude. I've also met his mother and his sister when they were visiting him from Ireland. I guess what I omitted was that he had to move from England because he was dating a woman 25 years older than him and he wanted to marry her. His mother disapproved so he had to leave her an it broke his heart. He actually left England and moved to the US because of it.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (10 March 2009):
Why do I have the feeling there is a long, long explanation going back to the beginning? I just have a sneaking suspicion that he has had someone else all along... It almost sounds like he is a married guy cheating the way you describe things. It's just a hunch, please don't shoot the messenger. I wouldn't ask him directly, but I would do my homework and see what MORE you can find out about him through every other source available to you, as well as hearing him out. Good Luck, Honey. And I'm assuming that you want to hear a lot of varied opinions if you have posted a question here, so I really hope I am wrong, and that he doesn't have a fiancee, family, or some other secret. XXX
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A
male
reader, qwerty123456 +, writes (10 March 2009):
Well, we don't know what he's going to say until he does right? Either he might have seen his errors or he has a problem, maybe fear of commitment? or anything else, that has to do with you. You just have to wait it out and see what he says, and if you feel it in you, and feel that he's worth the risk, then try to reconcile things.
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