A
male
age
41-50,
*an12345
writes:I think I may have seen something similar to this posted here before.This is a story of three sisters.The first one I met was the middle aged sister, I'll call her "2". We met at a party a little over four years ago. We exchanged numbers, called, made plans, went on a date, very by-the-book. I thought she was very nice, beautiful, smart, artistic, and things were going ok. After about a week of knowing each other I went to her house to hang out and I met her younger sister, I'll call her "3". Upon meeting 3, I was instantly drawn to her. So much so that it created a dilemma in my head about my feelings for 2. Nonetheless my relationship proceeded with 2, and became physical. This was very short lived, as I was finding that I was not as attracted to her as I once thought. Our entire relationship as more-than-friends lasted about a month. During this period I also met the oldest sister, I'll call her "1".After our short time dating, 2 and I remained friends, and I became better friends with both of the other sisters and their friends, everything was good.About a year later I found myself interested in 1. She also expresses some interest but we do not act until a while later. This girl is also beautiful, artistic, funny, you get it. We end up kissing one night and I tell her I feel apprehensive about it because if my previous short relationship with 2. She is aware about our relationship but did not know that we had gone as far as having sex. Knowing this she is ok with continuing to make out. -----flash forward a few months during which 1 and I see each other sometimes, maybe we'll kiss maybe not, nothing heavy-----She tells me she doesn't do well with commitment, and that she doesn't like to get too attached. Then. . .1 and I have sex. Twice. It is good but doesn't feel right and not very natural. I find myself debating my true feelings for her and nothing ever really feels very clear. We continue to hang out very sporadically, with some flirting, no sex. This continues, and the meetings become more random, friendly and casual, with a hint that there might still be something there, but my hazy feelings for her leave me unsure, and she shows no signs of making any large effort to take our friendship to any higher level. We up until just a few months ago have had a a good relationship. Affectionate to some extent, but with little to no traces of how it was before. We got to know a little more about each other. I found out she has had many MANY sexual partners and seems to be ok with it, I am fine with it, as it is her life, and who am I to judge? I also have come to realize that my feelings for her are not as they once were, i have come to recognize her as a great friend, and not as a prospect for a romantic relationship.Quick side story on 3:She is also (you guessed it) beautiful, smart, funny, creative, although a little immature in some ways, but great nonetheless. We have a lot of things in common and have had a good relationship as friends. Things are good. We have found ourselves oddly being on the same wavelength at the same time on trivial things such as music, cultural references, etc. Nothing spooky or romantically cheesy, just nice to know that this world is so random that you and someone else's brain can be on the same track simultaneously. Anyway, It has its charm. She's a great girl. We just kinda click. Present day:A couple of weeks ago Im at a bar with 3 (the youngest), and things are very oddly flirty between us. This has NEVER happened. She tells me she wants to kiss me. I figure she is just drunk and I try to talk about something else. She tells me every time she sees me she is attracted to me and wants to kiss me, and that she has felt like this for some time. I feel pretty surprised. This goes on for about twenty minutes and by this time she is touching my face and leaning in very close, telling me how she feels about me. Inside Im freaking out on many levels. I tell her I'd feel strange because of the history with the other two sisters. She says that she has spoken to her oldest sister (1) about her feelings and that she didnt mind. After some more talk, and more coaxing I give in. We kiss. I feel a bit trashy making out at a bar but its really nice to kiss her. We talk some more, kiss again. My feelings of guilt are present but not as overwhelming as I had thought they would be. Whats wrong with me?Present moment:I don't know what to do. I'm trying not to over-think myself to death, but I have to be sensitive to the situation since it could potentially affect quite a few people. Recently 3 has divulged to 1 that we kissed. 1 is not bothered by this because she is under the impression that it was an isolated incident, but since 1 and I first kissed we have spent some time together, kissed more, laughed, had fun, its been good. I really like this girl. 1 suspects that we have been spending time together and calls me up to ask me to please NOT sleep with her little sister! She says she considers me one of her best friends, and that my behavior is inappropriate. This makes me feel horrible. I tell her that I won't, AND apparently 1 has never told either sister about us having had sex, and tells me to please not say anything about it to 3 I had always assumed that they would have assumed we had been having some kind of intimate relationship because of all the time that 1 and I were spending togther, but I guess thats why there's that saying about assumptions. . . I continue to have feelings for 3, and wish to continue spending time with her. I know for a fact that she knows I had SOME kind of relationship with her two older sisters, but it has never been defined. Will she have a change of heart after she finds out about my intimate past with her older siblings? Is it worth the stress it could cause? Is it wrong? Am I morally out of line? What are the rules? I can't help but STILL be naturally drawn to this girl, it has been that way since the first time I met her. I've since gained the trust of all three sisters and have become good friends with them. I don't want to lose them. Should I get out now and spare myself and others any pain?Is there a spot in hell waiting for me?What do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): If you like them all and want to keep their friendship, it is best to be intimate with one of them and be friends with the other two or to find someone else while being friends with all three. Jealousy is the biggest problem in relationships. It can easily creep in when they are sisters. Dont think too much. You will only confuse yourself more. And a BIG NOOOO to your question about a spot in hell. If people end up in hell for such trivial things like these, heaven would be empty. Moral is very relative. It is not absolute. So decide for yourself what YOU consider as morally right. Dont go and ask others. You will different answers.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): Good heavens, anyone who's willing to type that much deserves some kind of reply. ;)
IMHO the only rules in this situation are the ones you work out with all concerned. The eldest has told you she's not OK with you're getting hot and heavy with her little sister. So you'll likely lose the friendship if you carry on. And what does that do to the little sister, if her big sis is pissed at you?
It's easy for me to say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but really, there are. Why deal with the drama, why cause pain. You haven't said you think 3 is your soul mate or anything, so drop it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): The family sounds like trailer trash and your the baby daddy?
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