A
female
age
,
*kea4god
writes:I am in a dilemma. A guy I dated 15 years ago and I have reconnected. We ran into each other about six months ago. He said he and his wife were separated after seven years of marriage. We exchanged numbers and he would call me about once every couple of weeks and we would joke and chat. He told me about a woman he was living with and the fact that they were lovers eventhough she was seeing someone other than him. Well, he called me last weekend to tell me that his mother passed away last month. I knew she had been ill. He asked if he could come and visit and I said yes. Well, he spent the night and he's been with me every day since then. He's very affectionate and things have only been sexual once. For the past two days, he has been very distant - sleeping in his clothes and all the way on the other side of the bed and barely touching me like he had been. He had been rubbing my feet when he came in, sleeping with our fingers intertwined, but all of that has changed suddenly. Why? Any comments and/or advice? What do you think is going on?
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female
reader, skea4god +, writes (25 September 2009):
skea4god is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHere's an update. He showed up after being gone for two days. And he was sick when he came. I fixed him some soup and gave him some stuff to settle his stomach. I missed him, but I have to admit that I feel used. He told me that his godbrother wanted to meet me and he said no because he doesn't allow his "male companions" to go around "his woman". Plus, I have seen this man from a distance and he is quite handsome. I don't get it.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 September 2009):
He is definitely grieving for his mother. All you can do is be there, but you musn't become his doormat. You deserve better treatment. If he does come back, do try and talk to him. Very gently though. Hope this helps you.
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A
female
reader, skea4god +, writes (21 September 2009):
skea4god is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnother thing I forgot to add was that he never returned last night to pick up his things or anything else. He usually calls, but I have not heard from him at all. He had also been drinking heavily the past couple of days.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): It sounds like he's suddenly grieving for his mother. Men take time to grieve, and it seems like he's doing it now. Gently talk to him, see if there's anything he'd like to talk about. Approach this carefully though. A direct question will not work. Lots of luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 September 2009):
Don't take this personally. xx. I think his mother died and he needed affection. I think you've given him it and now it's sunk into his head that his mother's died. Sometimes men don't grieve straight away, it takes us time. It sounds like he's grieving. Gently ask him if he's all right, or if there's anything he'd like to talk about. Just be careful you don't take on burdons and you don't get hurt. xx
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