A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't understand what is going on between my friend and I. We have been friends for almost a year, but we fight a lot every week when it comes to misunderstandings over text. I always end up coming to him and we talk again (mainly 'cause when we fight I'm the rash one that tells him I don't want to speak to him again). We text a lot about random stuff. At times we can talk on the phone from 1-2 hours, depending on how busy we are. We talk about everything, from family stories to exes, etc. We have once shared a kiss, but he didn't want to acknowledge it for a long long time, and now it's just a thing of the past. He jokingly asks me to help me look for a girl, and I always say no. Sometimes he'll pick a girl he likes and I'm not gonna lie I feel jealous, and judge them, and he give it up. So I sometimes don't know he does this as a form of validation (that I still like him) on my part. He said once that nothing was ever going to happen between us. Yet I'm his only girl/friend (another reason he said he didn't want to go beyond the kiss... ruin the friendship). So I honestly don't know what is going on. I sometimes feel like I'm just training him for his next gf. So What is going on? I don't get it and I don't want to be the first one to say something (he already rejected me once for sex) so... I don't want to be turned down again.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2019): You're frustrated and feel teased; because you're infatuated with a guy who seems to enjoy toying with your emotions.
My advice is simple. Kick his ass to the curb! You've exposed your feelings for him, and he's flattered by it; but seems to be getting his kicks by upsetting you with petty squabbles, and making mean remarks. While you express your resentment for his rejection by picking fights.
He's not a friend, and you are looking for more than a friend anyway. Dump him!!! Go find what you want and deserve, sweetheart!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2019): This guy enjoys being validated by having a wonderful woman want him. But he doesn't want you unfortunately. Not the way you want. He was very clear about it and that's all he can do. It's up to you now, to accept it and try and find someone else who deserves your love, care and attention and then you might find this friendship doesn't mean that much to you.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (23 October 2019):
 When you tell a person that you Never want to speak to them again, you need to mean it. You have probably said words to that effect to this particular friend 30 times. Don't you think he is starting to believe you?
My advice to you is designed for the general public. When you use loaded words and phrases, you are making serious statements. Some words can be considered assault. Some phrases cut to the bone. This is not just vibrations in the air, it is emotional abuse. If/when you use this on a regular basis, you become an abusive person.
You need to change your habits. Straight shooting advice here. You need to stop this behavior.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 October 2019):
 You, my dear, have been solidly "friend-zoned" (as MUCH as I hate that term, that is what is going on).
He has NO romantic interest in you.
You on the other hand desperately cling on to him, hoping by shooting down other girls he mentions he will eventually want to date you, because you DO have a romantic interest in him.
And while you CLING to this guy, you are missing out on meeting someone who would WANT to date you. And you are holding your "friend" on a short leash, hoping HE won't meet someone else either.
Eventually HE will. And when he does, he will drop you like a rock. Because NO GF will accept a BF who has a female friend acting like she is his GF.
Go out and make new friends. TRY having female friends instead, to avoid this whole "romance" debacle. You simply CAN NOT be a good friend when YOU are HOPING he wants to be more. He knows you want more, he just doesn't.
He probably like you as a person and friend but you CAN NOT make him WANT to be with you. And you can't change his mind for him.
You are WASTING time on a guy who just don't see you as GF material. So why not take Cindy's advice and back away a bit and work on making some REAL friends?
Sometimes we like people who don't feel the same way about us. And sometimes you will meet someone who likes YOU more than you like them. IT happens.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 October 2019):
 Come on, OP, isn't it rather clear what's going on ?
He rejected you as a partner.
He rejected you for sex.
He kissed you once and then he was so embarassed that he tried to pretend it never happened.
He told you already that you'll never will be in a relationship together.
And when you argue, YOU are always the one to go back to him, not viceversa.
What's going on, is that this guy does not want to be involved with you romantically or sexually- and short of screaming that from the rooftops...
Are you wondering why then you are still in contact, and fequent too ?
Well, because you are friends I guess. Because you are familiar, because you can talk about everything for hours, in a way precisely because he does not feel that chemistry which is exciting but some times can also stifle communication. And, perhaps,... because he likes the validation and the feeling of being cherished and pursued , of being special to someone. Big ego boost also when the
" someone " does not interest us romantically.
You sound very attached to this guy - too attached for your own good; if you carry on like this, you are inevitably going to get hurt. It's not wise being friends ... with someone whom you romantic feelings for. It's not even a real friendship, it's you suppressing feelings and wishes so that you are allowed to hang on to him; which, eventually, will bring you to resent him, and, ost of all, yourself.
I understand that you can't / don't want to exclude him totally from your life , all of a sudden. But at least, try to take SEVERAL steps back and limit your interaction , both in person and online, to a polite bare minimum.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (23 October 2019):
 Sweetheart, listen to me: when someone tells you that you are never going to be their girlfriend, you need to believe them. He has "friend zoned" you and that is where yo are going to stay. Why are you so desperate for him to change his mind?
In your shoes I would be looking to widen my circle of friends and be spending less time in contact with this guy. You two have different agendas and it does not sound like they will ever meet.
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