A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has accused me of looking at other men in a sexual way and of cheating on him, for a little more than one year. I have officially gone insane and the other day I freaked out on him and shouted that I finally understand why he says and thinks those things about me...and it has to be because that's what he has been doing and I've been too stupid not to realize it for one year of his verbal abuse.Things were thrown at me, he blamed me for his unhappiness (he is unemployed) and how he sits at home and waits for me to get done with school and work, names were thrown my way, 'how could you say that to me when I sit here all day being your slave', etc.I am more confused than I ever have been. Over one year of his accusations...have sent me to the therapist and teetering with hopelessness and depression. How can I not listen to his words yet make him stop otherwise realize that I am on the last centimeter of my rope and do not know what to do? What else could his accusations mean? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (27 October 2009):
 Right now it doesn't matter what his words/accusations mean. His actions are speaking loudest... yes it sounds like he is in pain... depressed ect, but he is being abusive to you and you are allowing it (unintentionally).
You need to speak with your actions too. If he's abusive verbally don't stay in the room or house with him. Don't respond in kind but start talking with your feet. Tell him once that if he continues to speak to you in harsh accusing manner that you will remove yourself from it... Then take action every time... don't demean yourself by defending yourself or playing into his antagonism.
You know how when a child throws a tantrum...or speaks in a whiny tone of voice, you ignore it and walk out of the room or you "can't" hear until he speaks in a normal tone of voice. Well its the same concept. Right now for whatever reason he is choosing a behavior that should not get him ANYTHING.
You can tell him you love him but do not plan to live like that... then lead by example. His behavior has nothing to do with you at this point, he is wallowing in his own pain... and you can't save him, but he can choose something different if he wants.
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