A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm very confused why I can't stop thinking about him. We are both married with children. My spouse could not be more perfect for me. We are both so alike in so many ways. The "spark" left our relationship once our first child was born. We go months (3-6 months or so) with out any kind of sex. It makes me crazy. I want sex all the time and he seems disinterested in even kissing me. It has been bothering me for years and we have talked about it. Well since the first year of this two years ago I have found another man very attractive. He is nothing like me at all. He is such a good person in everyway that a man should be, a good husband, father and worker. I find myself thinking about him all the time. I think he feels the same since we would "bump" into each other all the time and chat. I don't want to distroy his or my life by doing anything. I have switched my schedule at work so, we don't see each other very often. I don't think that it is working since I think about him all the time. We see each other maybe once a month and will talk for a half an hour. I know that he is attracted to me and that he has to know I like him. I'm trying to work things out with my husband but, the coworker is always in the back of my mind. What else other than quiting my job that I love very much can I do? Should I clear the air with him? Should I tell him how attracted I am and that we can not be friends? I'm afraid of myself and the fact that I am weak and will end up doing something stupid. please help
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female
reader, Nataliemarie +, writes (27 October 2009):
Well from your age range you are a young woman and in an unhappy marriage, so I can see why you are so confused about this situation. The co worker is intriguing and you feel a spark- In my opinion your lusting after him, your infatuated with him- and you cant help it because your husband is not even trying to have sex with you! so I say, do not tell this co worker anything- Clearly, the underlying issue is yout husband is not satisfying you. Decide if you want to stay in a stale marriage or if this is actually something you can work on. Also, how can a man go without sex for so long? Is your husband newly gay, or having an affair? It sure makes you wonder! Anyways I feel you handled the changing your schedule so you wouldnt bump into this guy so often as a sign that you do feel your husband is a good man and you have something to work with.
So dont tell the co worker anything and re-ddress the real issue with your husband more sternly.
A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (27 October 2009):
 Absolutely do not clear the air with this coworker! Don't plant those kind of temptations and enticements into his head. Yes, he may very well be attracted to you but that doesn't mean he doesn't want his marriage, his wife and his family. You would be turning a spark into a blazing flame.
And that flame will burn like hell... it will leave you, him, the children, your spouses, and your extended families burnt and devastated. And IF he was enticed by you and followed through on the temptation, do perfect men cheat on their wife?
You have needs that have to be addressed... be as firm, assertive and in your face as you have to be... but with your husband and only your husband. Don't discuss this with anyone but your husband. Please please don't go down this road.
You should be afraid of yourself... that is a very clear warning that you cannot have any contact with him. Yes if you value your relationship with your husband then break off all contact whatever it takes... job too. BUT DO NOT DISCUSS IT WITH THE MAN YOU ARE ATTRACTED TOO... it will backfire and serve no beneficial purpose.
You are weak but so is everyone if they don't take the right precautions. You are hurting and vulnerable.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (27 October 2009):
 Your husband needs a good hard prod with the sharp end of the Reality Stick. Maybe discuss your attraction to someone else with your husband and outright ask him if he would mind if you got involved with someone who would actually pay attention to you being as he's not up to the job himself. If he's OK with the idea, then find someone who's not married, (your co-worker is a very bad idea....). If your husband doesn't like the idea of you being with someone else then he needs to get his act together and start acting like a man.
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