A
female
age
36-40,
*isskat
writes:Hi thereWhat is an estimate of a healthy amount of time between relationships? I was in a long term relationship for 3 years and its like I'm clueless about dating. I'm in my late 20s and only 2 serious relationships. Last time, it was 3 months between but the last guy seemed so great that I just followed my heart. Now, we broke our engagement and I'm asking myself if I screwed up by not waiting longer to enter a serious relationship. What are the signs a person is ready to move on? I wasn't upset or depressed when I met my ex fiance. But, it seems I wasn't ready since I failed to see his bad traits until they bit me on the a55. Advice?? Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): Everyones different, a colleague of mine goes from one to another without breaks and ends up in bad relationships and being used.
Personally I wait a year or so - gives you time to get over them and be you for a while, nothing wrong with being single you know!
However leave it too long and you may get out of the habit of bein in a 'couple' and all it involves
Thats what I have done and haven't had a date for years!!
Just get on with life and you will know when your ready..
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 July 2011):
 It didn't have anything to do with failing to see his bad sides. You failed to see them not because you weren't ready, but because it is near impossible to see someones bad sides at the go. They hide them well! Besides, no matter how long it has been since our last breakup, if we fall in love we're blind to whatever bad sides a person has anyway.
I think 3 months was an ok amount of time as long as you yourself felt ready. Maybe you rushed into a serious relationship, but that has to do with that relationship and how fast you moved in that relationship, and nothing to do really with how long it was since the relationship before that one.
If you don't wait the appropriate amount of time (which is a time that varies from person to person) between each relationship, you might find yourself in a replacement relationship, where the new person is measured up against the old, and old feelings come up to the surface and being placed on the new person as if it was the new person who wronged you (when in fact it was the old). If the transition between one relationship and another is too quick, the old feelings get brought along into the new relationship.
It's hard to say when you are and when you aren't ready, it's something you learn with experience. If you find yourself already dating a wonderful man and don't want to give him up, but also know that you aren't quite ready, just take it slow. Date, don't have sex for a while, don't meet his parents yet or get very much involved in his life. Just take it slow.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (15 July 2011):
there is no healthy amount of time because everyone is diffrent so it will vary within diffrent people when you meet someone when you feel ready you will know
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 July 2011):
 It's different for everyone. Some relationships that break off mean more than others. Frequently, the longer ones (like marriages or long term relationships) take longer to get over. There's healing that takes place.
You'll soon find yourself being able to go out there and open your heart again. I know you feel like kicking yourself because you feel like you wasted your time with a "dud", and you wish you had seen things sooner. Don't be too hard on yourself. Take it as a lesson learned and go forward armed with valuable knowledge.
Three months is definitely a reasonable amount of time between relationships. Very reasonable in fact! This ex-fiance wasn't at all because of the amount of time.
In fact, and don't laugh....you didn't fail because of your ex-fiance. You got to know him, and things came out that you realized weren't going to work out for you and him. Could have been anything from learning that he can't handle money to he cheated to he has a horrible temper. Whatever the reason, you were smart enough to end it before marriage. Ego didn't have you go through with it because of being terrified of rejection or failure.
Somehow, I think you're going to be more than alright. Just wait until you start feeling like the new and improved you is feeling like you're ready to share your heart with someone else! Good luck to you!
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A
male
reader, guy1989  +, writes (15 July 2011):
In my opinion 3-4 yrs is just enough before you make the big step and get engaged, but not in all cases. If you did not learn much about the person you are in a relationship for 3 yrs, that means something is wrong. Relationships are a lot more complicated than people realize, you can be in relationship for 10 yrs and still learn things about your partner that may surprise you. This is an advice my mother gave me, she is married for now 23 yrs, and tells me that still after this long she still learns things about dad - it's life...
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