A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. We get along fine and time with just ourselves is great. We have never gone on a date yet. I've tried to plan 3 but always something came up with my bf and the date would be called off. After talking about it, he says he doesn't like surprises or being romantic. Also doesn't like restaurants people usually go for dating, only likes the places he always goes to eat at.I also have not met is friends or officially met his family. He doesn't like me writing anything on his Facebook (even things any other friend of his would write, or like me posting pictures of us together. I feel like he's trying to hide me. When talking about it, he just says that he's not.He always seems willing to come to a compromise but it always seems like his explanation is "well that's how I am". Please let me know what I can do or say to him so that we can work things out. I've already heard break up as a solution, are there any others?
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female
reader, theresag  +, writes (30 July 2011):
I have been in this situation once a long time ago.I was seeing a man I had known for years.We never went out on dates and he never took me home to his family.After many years i became pregnant and we moved in together.It was not a really good relationship and in hindsight I believe we would never have lived together if I had not become pregnant.We had 3 children and there was no real love between us and after 10 years we split and I had to raise 3 children alone.If I had been honest with myself and faced that he was not really into me I could have met someone who deserved me and had a better life .Who Knows?....I suggest that you dont invest all your energy and time into this man.Get a life outside of this relationship.Become a happening person.If he is really interested when you are not at his beck and call...Great!If not you will be making new friendships and meeting new people.Remember that relationships are investments(not always money ones)and you need some return.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): In response to questions:
Spending time together means hang out at my place, watch some tv, sleep over every once in a while.
I've tried different dates, movies, a night at the beach under the stars. He likes food so I tried dinner.
The only time he expresses affection is when we're by ourselves, hanging out.
He has met my friends but feels uncomfortable, so I don't ask him to hang out with me when I'm with them anymore. I've never met his friends.
We don't acknowledge any anniversaries and for our first valentines we did nothing.
He's never gotten me anything or done anything special for me, except christmas, but it might have been because I got him a gift.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): In response to questions:
Spending time together means hang out at my place, watch some tv, sleep over every once in a while.
I've tried different dates, movies, a night at the beach under the stars. He likes food so I tried dinner.
The only time he expresses affection is when we're by ourselves, hanging out.
He has met my friends but feels uncomfortable, so I don't ask him to hang out with me when I'm with them anymore. I've never met his friends.
We don't acknowledge any anniversaries and for our first valentines we did nothing.
He's never gotten me anything or done anything special for me, except christmas, but it might have been because I got him a gift.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2011): I agree with the majority here; it sounds like he's keeping you a secret for some reason. Find out what's going on or dump him. I would dump him.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 July 2011):
 How old is he? And how did you two meet?
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (15 July 2011):
 So your relationship is not public?
*Have you met each others families?
*What do you do when you spend time together?
*How does he acknowledge special occaisions, holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, or "just because"?
*How does he express appreciation,affection, admiration?
*DO you hang with each others friends?
Sadly, I get the feeling YOU are trying to prod him into being more public, romantic, "old school" boyfriend, etc.
He does not sound like that type...but YOU DO! There is nothing wrong with that! There are also plenty of OTHER guys that ARE that kind of date.
If it has not happened in a year and he is telling you that he is just "that way" then I seriously doubt he will ever change.
Even if YOU do all the planning/providing and he does participate he will probably never reciprocate or initiate anything on his own. He will just go along for the ride to get you to stop asking.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (15 July 2011):
he is definetely hiding you i would talk to him and make him listen what do you exactly do for fun then? because this does not sound like a fun relationship if you.s have sex quite often i would consider the fact you are been used for sex
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (15 July 2011):
 Hello,
Yes, he is hiding you away i'm afraid. I wonder if anyone actually knows about you from his family. The Facebook situation says it all I'm afraid. He doesn't want people to know about you. I wonder if he has many photos of you together? Just an idea as I've experienced a guy that didn't like or want any photos of us together. I found out no one had ever heard I was dating him. So, as an older lady with experience, I'd love to dump this one and tell him to go find another person to hide. However, I'm older and wiser and once bitten. I think you really need to question where this is going now though.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (15 July 2011):
 I agree with YouWish, he IS hiding you and he definitely doesn't consider what you have a real relationship. It seems as though he's been telling you what you want to hear to keep you around, but doesn't actually mean what he says. This sounds more like friends with benefits to me, honestly.
Meeting someone's parents can be a big step for some people, but the fact that you haven't even met his friends yet shows he's not serious about you and doesn't consider you his girlfriend, and most likely never will. Nothing you do will change that, simply because you've let it slide for such a long time. He knows he can get away with treating you this way, so what reason does he have to make more of an effort?
Why stay with someone that isn't into it as much as you are?
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A
male
reader, guy1989  +, writes (15 July 2011):
I can understand if he is not ready to show you to his family, but I can't understand why you can't write on his facebook and I can't believe he never invited you to a restaurant (I hope he gives you flowers). That's a red flag already, and a sign that you probably don't mean that much to him or I hate to say me might be using you for pleasure (sex). You have to investigate ! I had a friend that was going thru something similar to you, her boyfriend simply did not want her to write on his facebook wall or his family knowing anything.. One day he came home dumped her directly after 2 yrs of relationship telling her that he used her for sex and he found another girl and he showed his parents in the first 2 weeks of their relationships. I don't suggest you to break up with him, but put him to test, communicate with him , ask him why - or when he intends to let you met his family.. etc. he may have issues with his family.. Try to make it open up to you..if not then get out of the relationship until you get to attached ..
My cousin had this nasty girlfriend-- She was from a small city in Czech R. she went and study in the big city of Prague. My cousin already had an apartment in Prague purchased by my aunt. The girl got together with him for 4 yrs as long as she was studying, and when she finished the University, she broke up with him and disappeared - she was using him for FREE rent and sex.. this is an example to show you how people take advantages of others.. but one thing is for sure, they will pay back at some point in their lives one way or another.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 July 2011):
 You've been dating but never been on a date? What does that mean? What do you do for fun? Dating doesn't always have to be the traditional "dinner and a movie".
You've been together for a year, and he's not had you meet his family and friends and wants no part of you on his Facebook? I'm telling you, he's not into you. He *is* trying to hide you. He is lazy and doesn't appreciate you.
There are guys who aren't romantic in a creative sort of way, but they make the effore to make you feel special, cherished, and they want to show you off to everyone.
You can't change him or make him be more attentive. You tried to date him and he's been calling it off? Sorry, but guys who are really into their girls view time with them as extremely important. Not to sound crass, but he sounds so lazy that he wouldn't even thrust during sex. He'd just lay back and let you do all the effort in the relationship.
You will continue to feel this way until you leave him and find a guy who really is into you. You are settling and you know it. That's perfectly okay, but if I were you, it wouldn't be okay in my book! When guys are really into a woman, they'll stop at nothing to pursue them.
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