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male
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anonymous
writes:It's struck me. What if you never meet the right person. We all dream of meeting someone we love, who we're attracted to and and who makes us happy but what if that just doesn't happen.What if we never meet the right person?What if we meet someone we thought was the right one but isn't?I'm interested in hearing experiences of people who have never met the right person and are older (30+), or who have met someone and are not satisfied (you may be married or in a long term relationship). Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2012): Thought my first husband was Mr Right, he wasn't.Thought my second was Mr Right,he wasn't. Years ago couples stayed together through thick and thin,nowadays a lot do not.True lasting love only seems to be in the movies and Mills and Boon.As far as finding somebody there are no age limits though as each stage of life your looking for different things.First its a father/mother for your children.Later its adventure and lust,then its a friend companionship.I dont think we are programmed to be alone but often you have to accept thats how it is because its easier,especially as you get older you wont settle for bad treatment.You have to learn to fill life with other things.Think there are a lot more lonely people nowadys though.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2012): I've met lots of what I thought was the 'right person'... but I'm not with any of them...!!Don't know if they really were and I just f*cked up or not?! (I guess if they were, we would have worked it out! Where there's a will there's a way n all that. haha!I'm 40, and have actually given up now, 'cause I can no longer be bothered! Maybe some people are destined to be alone, I don't know?I am content though. I like my life and freedom and friends, I don't feel lonely. (I know a lot of people who are 'coupled up' who feel lonely!)I believe if it's meant to be it will, but I think you have to be 100% happy with your life first, then if you meet 'the one' they are an added bonus to your life. Am sure 'Mr/Mrs Perfect' doesn't exist in my/your eyes forever though... I guess it's more a case of you 'like a lot more about them' than the things that 'annoy' you about them!! ;-)
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male
reader, xtc +, writes (20 October 2012):
It is far better to be unhappily single than unhappily married!
There is no 'right' person. There are people who are more suitable and people who are less suitable, and there are a lot of people at each point on the spectrum.
A passionate romance and lifelong intense love and companionship is the relationship equivalent of becoming CEO of a major company or winning an olympic gold medal. It's an outstanding success in an area of life. For most people, reality is going to be more mediocre.
Most relationships end up being ok.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): OP I have had more than one "right" person. Relationships that ended merely because of circumstance or because they'd run their course.
I have had more than one great love in my life and even the majority of my casual hookups were with "the right person". So I guess that answers your first question.
"What if we meet someone we thought was the right one but isn't?" I'm a little confused OP, are you talking about "the one" or "Mrs Right" that whole bullshit romantic notion that there is one special person for everyone?
Well newsflash there isn't. I have more than one uncle who has never married and settled down and they're in their 60's. There are millions of men and women out there that just have never been able to work in relationships or in fact never really cared about them. there are also people like me and the posters before me who have had more than one.
So to directly answer your question, what if you think they are but they aren't? Meh, so what? On to the next one.
"We all dream of meeting someone we love, who we're attracted to and and who makes us happy."
Actually OP I don't, I live my life by getting that in reality not dreaming about it. Again I've had one night stands with women who I was attracted to and for that night they made me happy. I'm in a relationship of 7 years at the moment both those conditions you state are met here too. The best thing about all of this is if this relationship ended tomorrow as devastated as I would be I know I'd get over it and I've always been happy while single so I was never desperate for love, never felt lonely without a woman in my life. Life is great whether single, riding all around, in a relationship or anything else.
I let the losers of this world cry into their cornflakes because they haven't found "the right one". They'll need counselling if they ever find out Santa isn't real and the easter bunny doesn't actually lay any chocolate eggs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): I've never met the right person. I thought I did in 2001. I was in love with him but he left me and 6 months later he married someone else.
I then had an arranged marriage 8 years ago and he left me after 5 months. I didn't love him at all and only married him because I had to.
I then had a few more short-term relationships before I thought I'd met the right person 2 years ago. He wanted to marry me or so he said but I realised he just wanted a replacement for his ageing mother who cooks and cleans for him.
Now here I am on the wrong side of 30 with no children, no family or friends. I spend my days at work and my evenings with only the television for company.
Life never quite worked out the way I'd planned.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): I read an articule once about how everyone has the potential to be the "right" one ..... we get so caught up though in this "right", "soul mate", "the one" concept that we forget all people are like us imperfect and indeed flawed.
I think go for someone who you get on with, someone who has common ideas/beliefs/values as you and someone who makes you happy .......... that i think is the "right" one :)
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 October 2012):
 I just married "Mr Right" for the fourth time.
I don't buy the whole "right person" thing...
My husband married me as his FIRST wife so I guess i'm his first right person. He's 39... he never believed in marriage till he met me... go figure... not sure what changed for him.
our dear friends also recently married. she's 40 and he's 52 both first time marriages.
my dad met the first "right person when he was 19 and she was 16... my mom died in my dad's arms in hospice when she was 58, a few months later he met the second "right person and has been with her for 17 years now.... both were past 60 when they met...
personally I believe that you can't love someone or find someone to make you happy if you don't first love yourself and find ways to be happy with yourself... only then can you be open to love with others....
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (19 October 2012):
 Perhaps to add to that is "What if you meet the right person and they turn into the WRONG person"? I thought who I met was the right person...we were so happy together, I couldn't have asked for anything more, but after 15 years of marriage he became "Mr. Wrong". Alcohol turned him into someone I didn't know and didn't want to know. It was absolutely devastating to me. I had already been divorced once, so going through divorce #2 was horrific. At 40, I was starting over again? I have been with my "soul mate" now for almost 11 years. I have sadly come to the conclusion in the last several months that he is my soul mate, but I am not his. His work comes first, we are in a long distance relationship..have been for about 90% of the time. I am gutted. I love this man more than I loved either of my husbands, but I know there is no happy ending. I also know that he does love me..but I will never be first.
Please don't be offended..but in my eyes, I wish I had never experienced "the right one". To lose them hurts so much more than never finding them! Grieving over what you lost to me is far worse than grieving over what you never had.
I will NEVER love anyone like this again, I know this with all of my heart. I like Aunty Em don't expect it. Not at my age (51).
Now..to get to you..I don't know how old you are but don't you feel that you can love someone? Not everyone in the world finds "Mr. Right/Ms Right" but they go on to have very happy relationships/marriages. Sometimes we can have a really good person in front of us but are so busy trying to find the "perfect one" that we overlook someone who could be very special..just not "100% right". I hope you know what I mean? I hope that you haven't given up on love completely.
My 25 year old son tells me that of course I could find love again, he just says that I've got it in my mind that I won't so I won't even try to look. He's probably right too, I don't feel like the hassles, the annoyances and the whole starting over thing. I'm also EXTREMELY picky...I myself know that I'm not willing to settle for "almost good enough"...after 2 failed marriages I don't think me finding another mate is as important as it once was.
I am not sure that I have helped you? There are obviously some people in the world that never find the right one, or even find someone that they could be happy with. I don't know if its bad luck, they give up, the person never comes along..or what. Its hard to say. I will encourage you not to give up looking though. My sweet former mother in law lost her husband after 50+ years of marriage and 2 years later married the most wonderful man...and she said she was happier than she had ever been in her life! Love can come at any age..IF you are willing and open. I do believe that.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (19 October 2012):
 I was married for almost 20 years, but after my children were born, things dissolved into a disaster and I discovered my husband was living a double life.
We divorced 8 years ago and I have had only 2 relationships since...both failed because of cheating (them, not me).
I have lived through some difficult years, but feel positive that I will have a happy future with lots of good times ahead, but I have made a decision that finding the right person probably won't happen for me as I am 47 years old and a bit too old to find anyone now...I would have loved to find the love of my life, but the cosmos had other plans for me :-)xx
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