A
male
age
36-40,
*ringles
writes:Hi everyone,I've recently been on here because I was seeking advice with a recent relationship of 4 years. It ended, it hurt but things are moving on slowly.My new question is:I have been more social now that I am single. A friend of a friend was hitting on me on the weekend and naturally I did a bit of flirting back. A few days later my friend told me that the girl wanted me to have her number. And obviously my friend gave her my number (I'm fine with that) as she messaged me later that day saying, "Dinner... Tomorrow night? 3". I replied saying, "That sounds great I'll pick you up at 7pm". She replied with her address...My trouble in all of this is I'm worried she is going to want more then I in this situation. I would love to get to know her more and have some fun but I'm not looking for a relationship. I asked my friend if he had told her that I recently (2 weeks ago) came out of a 4 year relationship? He replied, "No, I told her you were single but that was it".I'm looking forward to tomorrow night as it is something new to me. But how do I get the word across that I'm only looking for fun at this stage without hurting the girl? I mean, I'm not ruling out that something could come of us in the future but I'm not looking for anything for a few months.Any advice would be great.Thanks in advance!
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male
reader, pringles +, writes (8 September 2010):
pringles is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe pub was already a plan and I had already suggested it to her and she was keen. I don't know whether my ex will be there or not but I should tell the girl just incase. As for being considerate to my ex, that's not an issue as she is already seeing someone as she left me because she had feelings for someone else...
I'm thinking while eating dinner I'll ask her to tell me about herself etc and then when she returns the question I might use it to mention I'm only recently out of a relationship.
I'm a bit scared haha
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): I agree with the advice already given by jmtmj for your original dilemma. For the new part about going to the pub after, is this something you and she already discussed or just your possible plan for the evening and she doesn't know yet? If just your plan, I would definitely avoid the pub and end the evening after the restaurant (or go for a coffee or somewhere else instead). If she's aware of the pub plan already then when you chat after dinner I would make sure to tell her your ex might be there and give her the alternative options of going somewhere else for a drink instead or you dropping her off at the pub to meet up with the friends while you go home. If you embroil her in an awkward situation with your ex from the get-go this will likely make her run a mile. Plus be unpleasant for both you and ex. If she sees you are being considerate of her (and ex!) then it shouldn't be a problem however it pans out.
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A
male
reader, pringles +, writes (7 September 2010):
pringles is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply!I like your advice about waiting until after dinner. I will use the dinner time to get to know her better. I'm thinking about maybe after dinner or when I drop her home saying something along the lines of, "I want to be honest and put something out there. I've only very recently come out of a 4 year relationship. I'm really enjoying tonight and getting to know you. It's just going to take me a bit of time before I'm ready to move into another relationship." Maybe also adding, "I hope that we can do something like this again".The reason I say possibly when I'm dropping her home is because the plan is a casual dinner then desert and then going to a pub that some of my friends are going to (and possibly my ex).Whate are your thoughts?
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (7 September 2010):
 If I were you I'd go to dinner, have a good chat and a laugh without bringing up the break up or anything. Then once the meal is finished I'd let her know about the breakup, at least that way she can get up and leave if she wants to without having to wait around awkwardly for the meal.
I'd also make sure not to use the line "I just want to be friends" and instead would say something like "just thought I should be honest upfront and let you know that I'm over my ex but I want to take things slow and get to know you better as a friend first"
But that's just roughly what I'd do.
Oh and congrats for getting back into the game so quickly :D
Good luck :)
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