A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone! I am in the middle of some crazy studying because very soon I’ll be taking a competitive examination (if I pass I will have to take another three competitive examinations in the course of the next year) to upgrade my career and get a new job I would love to have. This job would also allow me and my hubby to move to a new city and start a new life elsewhere which we would really love. So, as you see... the stakes are very high. I am studying hard and doing my very best, but the exam is going to be super hard and super competitive. What if I fail? Will my hubby and my family think I am stupid? Will my present colleagues (some of whom will be taking the same examination) think I am a failure and laugh at me? How could I ever face work again? If I don’t pass I am sure I’ll have some huge self-esteem issues and be super angry, feel like a total failure and be ashamed of myself and my awful perfomance. Will I be a failure if I fail the exam? How can I deal with this in a more relaxed way? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your wonderful replies. Thank you for taking the time to reassure me, share your experience, give advice and help me put this situation into perpective. I really appreciate it. I will treasure your words and read them over and over again in the next few weeks. Lots of love and many many thanks to all of you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2018): Nothing is more self-defeating than anticipation. You can build yourself up to knock yourself down.
Look at it this way. It's a competitive examination; which means only the top percentage will pass. Everyone is not likely to pass, and it is competitive for the purpose of selecting the best. There will probably be a lot of people passing with the bare minimum scores; but the top contenders have to compete for a limited number of positions. You can pass; but will there be jobs for each and everyone who passes with a high score?
You pray, you study, and you believe in yourself. You do not worry yourself with feeling stupid; when the test is designed to be very difficult. You can fill your mind with worries and what-ifs; or there won't be room to store your answers. Anxiety will erase your mind and replace all you've learned with fear! Take time to rest.
It's good to be motivated and ambitious. Not to the point that everything rides on one thing. That's how people destroy themselves. Coveting something too much, wanting it so badly that if they don't get it; their whole world falls apart. Don't let failing a test ruin your marriage or cause dysfunction in your family. Nothing is worth all that.
Your husband and family loves you. Their love isn't contingent or conditioned on your success. They will know you did your best, and they will stand behind you no matter what.
Rest your self-defeating thoughts; and just concentrate on your studies. Take a break and hug your family. If God closes one door, he opens another.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 June 2018):
 What if you DON'T fail? Are you ready for the harder work? The harder challenges, etc?
No, I doubt ANYONE will think you stupid for failing. At least you are TRYING to better yourself. I also doubt you would be taking these exams if you didn't think YOU could do it and if you didn't KNOW that you CAN do this. Sure, it might not be a breeze or a walk in the park THAT is why you have studied hard, right?
Don't worry so much about how OTHERS will behave AFTER - you can't control that. YOU CAN however control your own emotions and behavior. If you fail this year, will you try again next year? Will you get a tutor perhaps?
Code Warrior has some REALLY go "exam" advice that I think you should read a few times and then just GO for it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2018): Gosh it sounds as if you have some very high expectations of yourself in that you feel that everyone's happiness depends on you passing exams.
Do you really think that your husband and family will think that you're stupid if you fail?
Would you think they were stupid if they failed an exam?
I think you should ask your husband if he will think you're stupid if you fail? That way, he will be able to give you the reassurance that you need. You sound as if you have a happy marriage. Ask your family too. Let them reassure you. Everybody has worries about their performance under pressure.
You sound as if you have succeeded already in so many ways.
Try not to be so harsh on yourself.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 June 2018):
 The only failure is unwillingness to try. You are doing your best. What is the worst that can happen? If you fail the exam, surely you can show true tenacity and determination in following your dreams and take it again?
What others think is none of your business. It is THEIR problem, not yours. Most people are far too busy worrying about their own problems to give more than a passing thought to those of others. Your friends will be supportive and understanding. Anyone else's opinions don't really matter.
Good luck. I hope all goes well.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (24 June 2018):
 Stop thinking about failure. To start with, you've already succeeding: you have a what sounds like a happy marriage; you have a career; you know what you want; and you're doing it. So you are already there! You can only do your best. You've studied hard, so you've done all that you can. Take a breath, tell yourself you're excited to take the exams, they're just steps you're taking on your path to your fantastic new life. If anyone judges you, it will only be with praise for going after your dream. Go for it!
Take care xx
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