A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts and Advisors :)Ive been dating, "Evan" going on 1 year. We worked together at a bar that I left soon after but we continued to date. He still works this hectic hospitality schedule. I have a day job. neither opus are "rich" people but we get by.His work certainly can be more irregular with apt of ups and downs. Hence, he feels a shift is open he should take it and make as much as possible. I don't mind this most of the time BUT, there have been dates broken due to the last minute job offer. Even dates that were very important like a wedding once etc.This alone might not be so bad but he also likes his booze and marijuana. After a night shift he stays up very late (sometimes 4/5am) and of course sleeps all the next morning into afternoon. So it isnt just that I will lose him for that work shift he wont be available the next day either.I also sometimes wonder if he wasn't spending all the money on his substances if he could cut a shift or two.I love him bt I feel neglected and alone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2018): You can't change him. You can't change that he would prefer to work shifts than go out on dates.
I doubt that he is working all the shifts he can because of the money. I suspect that it's a reason he can give that won't upset you. I think he is working a lot and giving it priority because it's what he'd rather be doing and where he'd rather be. He loves his drink and his weed. I suspect he enjoys his work like he would a party. He enjoys seeing his mates, getting wasted and living the life that he wants to live.
This is who he is at the moment. He might mature in later years and think like you. 'Oh I could cut down on my drinking and smoking and then I could work less shifts and spend the time with my girlfriend'. It would be nice for you if he felt that way, but his behaviour is shouting loud and clear that he doesn't WANT to do the things that you want him to.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but look at it in the cold light of day and look at what his behaviour is telling you.
You are not his priority. Spending time at the bar, getting wasted and sleeping late is his priority.
All you ever have to do in relationships is look at actions. People behave to bring them what they want. We all do this. He wants a carefree, obligation free life at the bar, getting wasted with his mates.
If he wanted what you want him to want, then he would be behaving differently.
What you want to do about it, is of course, up to you.
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