A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone I've been dating this guy for a couple of months,I have never been happier..he keeps me happy..but now out of nowhere his wife comes in the picture he never told me about him being married..I was upset,I cried I broke things off and it was soo hard for me dealing with him,they are going through a rough patch.they keep fighting..the reason they went through this is because his wife cheated on him with his bestfriend..we spoke last night and kissed I told him I can't hate him anymore,his wife has given him the divorce papers and told him she wants him back but if he wants divorce he should sign the papers and she will never see him again!!he hasn't signed yet.I went up to him and told him its either me or her..I don't know what's taking him so long!!what if he goes back to her??I may have a nervous breakdown..!!
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male
reader, BachelorGreatUncle  +, writes (20 September 2012):
"I don't know what's taking him so long!!"
Guessing he assumes that since he was able to BS his way past "he never told me about him being married" then he believes he can string you along indefinitely with lies and lame excuses, of course telling you it's all wife's fault. I can't disagree with his assessment.
"what if he goes back to her??"
He'll still keep you on the side. Of course, he'd have to actually leave his wife first in order to go back to her, so your situation shouldn't change in that event, he'll continue stringing you along indefinitely with lies and lame excuses for as long as you let him, just as he's doing now.
What's taking you so long?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will never force him into being in a relationship with me,infact after I told he has to choose its me or her and that I love him,I haven't spoken to him after,I just try and avoid him until he makes his decision..I saw his wife handing the papers to him,my heart broke..I saw his face I wanted to stand by him..but I'm breaking too,how can I support him..his wife cheating on him with his own best friend must be the worse thing to happen but its his choice I love him if he doesn't choose me then I'l accept it..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): Do NOT under any circumstances beg this man to choose you! He needs to make his choice all on his own. I had a friend in a similar situation. Except she was the wife. It was slightly different because he went back to her only because the girlfriend finally rejected him and sent him packing. She was his second choice and he lost respect for he for accepting second place leftovers. Their relationship is absolutely horrible, he lives in their basement and has for years, she's sad, miserable, lonely, and the years keep ticking by.
I can imagine that this is going to be excruciatingly difficult for you, but I believe that IF there is to be a relationship, you must prove to him by your actions in this situation that you are worthy of being first choice. And the way you do that is by removing yourself from this immediate situation, tell him that you love him and want the best for him and that HE needs to figure out what that is and that you will not be party to whether his marriage succeeds or fails. You will not wait around, but if at some point he chooses to divorce his wife and would like to look you up, if you are free maybe you could begin to date again and see if you both still feel the same way.
Never start a relationship with anyone who has exes of ANY SORT still hanging around. And by hanging around, I mean married to, calling, texting, hanging out, being friends, friends with benefits, NOTHING. It is bad news.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2012): Leave him be. He needed you to fill a terrible wound in his life, as his wife betrayed him. This is no way to start off a relationship. I'm sorry for you that he didn't make it clear his situation previously. But now that you know, the only thing to do is walk away.
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