A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Before we married, my husband was really into me (always holding my hand, kissing - being intimate in every way but no actual sex). I thought our honeymoon would be non-stop, but over the course of 10 days we had sex maybe five times. I was very upset by this and became a little insecure. Then, after going with me to a party given by one of my college friend's, he told me that if he had met both My college friend and I at a bar, he would have approached her over me because she "is really attractive." A few days later, during the course of a discussion re our infrequent sex, he proceeds to tell me that he and his ex had a lot of sex, and multiple times in one night. Should I leave while I still can?
View related questions:
his ex, insecure, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): Thank you for all your answers! I really appreciate them. I just wanted to add that the reason why I thought that 5 times during 10 days was significant as a meager number was because I had thought (because we had abstained before marriage) that he wouldn't be able to get enough once we were having sex. I guess that's part of the problem (my interpretation of things), because before we were married I really felt like I was the woman meant for him, but all these things that he says to me make me doubt that. I was a little insecure, but very enthusiastic.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012): "We all say stupid things, men are really good at that."
Hahaha, as a man I feel entitled to say this is spot on!
I have said a few things to my wife that I later regretted, but she was big enough to forgive me.
We really need to know more about the timeline of events to help you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): A man in his mid-30s is not going to have sex nearly as often as a man in college. Men don't sexually peak in their 30s like women do.
...............................
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (20 September 2012):
Good sex needs both people involved. If you are doubtful as you sound you are then your hb will sense this and not get turned on. If it was so god at the beginning then what changed? As for his comments, yes I agree with all the others that he sounds like an inconsiderate jerk from what you tell us. But, how does Mr Niceguy get like this? He must be annoyed with something you have done or said? It sounds like you already have cold feet and are looking for reasons to bail out.
...............................
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Tell me again why you got married in the first place? Did you know him longer than 30 days? Because he seems like a slime ball in my opinion. What guy behaves like this to his wife? Even if he "thought" your friend was hot, no man should ever tell his wife this. It's rude, disrespectful and harmful to the marriage. What a turd!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): We all say stupid things, men are really good at that.
Your husband, sorry to say that, doesn't strike as particulary sophisticated type. He says obviously not very pleasant things like comparing you with your friend or your sex life with his ex.
I don't know if that's the reason to live. Did you just got married?
About sex. 5 times for 10 days that's quite a bit. For me atleast. By no standards it's marriage with little sex going on.
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (20 September 2012):
 You're complaining because you had sex 5 times in the course of ten days? Does the guy ever get tired? I mean, I guess different people have different sexual appetites, but I'm not sure how easy it will be in the real world to find someone who has the energy to have sex multiple times every day. I love sex just as much as anyone, but there are days when I am so exhausted from work and life, that it wouldn't be any good even if I did have. Personally, I think you are being a little unrealistic and demanding, but he was also stupid for comparing you and your sex life to that with his ex. I'm not sure I agree with Ciar, if you want sex multiple times a day, then I'd leave and go in search of someone else. But don't be surprised if you can't find someone, at least someone with a full time job, who wants to have that much sex. Also, if he is making comments like that about your college friend, I'd think you would have seen this type of behavior before getting married.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): How long have you been married to this guy? I have to say, it's extremely unsettling that your husband would tell you that your friend is more attractive than you. Who says that? It is more than rude...to me it signifies someone who is attempting to demean and demoralize you on purpose. Someone who has a lot more going on than meets the eye.
If you are asking if you should leave him, I'm guessing there may be many more seemingly "small" things that you are concerned about. This kind of comment and his behavior and the things he has admitted about sex with his ex are worrisome to me. Oftentimes hindsight is 20/20. It was with me. I ignored the small red flags. And guess what? They didn't stop coming and they didn't get smaller.
I agree with the previous poster. I would get out now. Much easier earlier and before there are children involved. Then you will have to put up with this joker for the rest of your life. You won't be able to move with your child because he will have a say in where and how far from him you may live, and he will have free reign during his visits with the kids to teach them his warped brand of behavior and logic.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Yes, you should.
I know it's not the answer you want to hear, but life is too short to muck about trying to fix things with this guy. He is not worth the effort and there is so much better out there.
Get out now before you become pregnant and stuck with him. In fact, don't even sleep with him again.
...............................
|
