A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 16 year old female and I've had one boyfriend, long distance and it didn't work out (2 years ago). I never really wanted a boyfriend and then it hit me one day that I'm lonely and want a romantic relationship. My problem? At school everyone always laughs at me and guys are intimidated by me because I hang out with the teachers and I do things with adults and not teenagers my own age. I've tried to do things with people in my age bracket but I get bored with the pettiness that they create. What I want is a deep passionate, but yet reserved relationship, and I dont know what to do. It seems to me that my chance at having this is slim. So is there anyone out there who can help me? Ideas? Comments? Thanks so much for your help!
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female
reader, SweetSerendipity  +, writes (31 March 2009):
To the OP: Smile! Don't let people get to you. Show them you are better than them ;-) Just say "Thank you, but lets just agree to disagree". Don't get tempted to then criticize them too in the same manner.
It is difficult to get "the whole picture" in a forum like this, so people could come to the wrong conclusions sometimes. Your language here shows that you are far more mature than your age - hence you are already contemplating the good qualities of men that you would like to date.
I myself did not see anywhere in your posting that you already have a "template" and you wanted your men to fit into those templates to the tee. But at least, the "criteria" are there so if you met someone - lets say, who lies, or who hits you, or who is not passionate about anything at all, then you would only think of him as an "acquaintance" a opposed to a "boyfriend material". Correct?
You will meet many people in the world who easily comes up with a criticism without knowing the background, so now is the time that you practice how to take it with a grain of salt. It is not easy, believe me, but it is worth the effort. Just smile, and thank them for their comment. [Personally, I always "smile" inside too, and my brain then becomes "busy" with my own analysis of that person lol]
You'll do fine. Just don't forget to enjoy the moment too, like Denny said.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the previous anonymous female replier, Evidentally you yourself are looking into this wrong. I never said that what I have put here is all that I want from a relationship and if it's not like this well then it's no way!...no I never did. You assumed this, and have insulted me. From the "answers" that you have given me, what do I take from this? Nothing. You have started off by degrading me and telling me:"You say that all the guys your age are intimidated by you? That's very presumptuous! You say everyone your age is petty? What- all of them?"...for someone who is not in the situation it is so easy for you to sit at your computer at home and tell me that I'm "presumptuous".Do you really think that I would have put a piece of information like that up if I did not have some sort of factual data to back it up? The few male friends that I do have tell me that for the opposite sex I am extremly intimidating, they went on to list several of my 'attraction flaws', such as: The way I speak to other people on a daily basis, my friends (mostly adults), and various other things that are meaningless to address here.And now to end off with what really ticked me off about your unkind comment:"If your so much better and more mature than the 'kids' your age, at least learn that you can't invent a relationship..."If I'm so much better? How dare you?! I did not say in my question that I'm "better" then the other 'kids' (as you say). I said nothing of the kind, what I said is that the pettiness they create. Such as: "so-and-so said he thinks that ms.such-and-such is dumb because he heard through a text that she did...." Really? Am I suppose to be entralled by this tale of what seems to be such desperate matters? So am I "so much better" then the other 'kids'? No of course not, I need to learn new things, and expand my horizons. But evidentally neither are you.So please save your last enthusiatic remark for another person who will have more of a "problem", such as falling in love (yet again) for their teachers.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): I'm sorry- I think you are thinking about this backwards.
You've already planned what this 'boyfriend will be like- not just his outlook on life, but down to where you will go on dates and how he will talk to you.
So when you actually meet a guy you like, he already has a list of qualities to live up to. How're you gonna get to know him for himself and not just how well he lives up to your resume for him?
You say that all the guys your age are intimidated by you? That's very presumptuous! You say everyone your age is petty? What- all of them?
If your so much better and more mature than the 'kids' your age, at least learn that you can't invent a relationship- invent the way it feels, literally put words in his mouth! -before you've even met the other half of it! You can't just look for someone to fill your list of qualities.
First- relax whilst you find someone you actually like- for who they are; not for who you want them to be, and only then think about whether you'd like a relationship with them.
On a more serious note- if you so want someone who will take you to the museum- go hang out at the museum and try and meet someone there!
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (29 March 2009):
 For what it's worth, I wish I had met a girl like you at that age.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, your input on this has been all well received and I have decided that I agree with you all, since you seem to be saying mostly the same thing.
In the end I think I'm just going to keep living my life and enjoy it, if a certain "Mr.Jr-right for right now" comes along I'll probably have some fun, but I'm not going to go out looking for it.
Thanks again to everyone, you have all been grand.
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (29 March 2009):
damluvaam is pretty dead on. Believe it or not there are alot of girls your age that feel as you do. I actually have never been into the fun fun fun seen either when I was your age. I too usually hung out with people older then me for the same reasons you do. And, it is a little lonely at times when you are looking for someone close to your age to connect to. But, hang in there for now. Pretty soon the world will catch up to you. Finish high school and maybe just worry about having a little fun hanging out with friends for now.
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female
reader, SweetSerendipity +, writes (29 March 2009):
How sweet that you are "romanticizing" romance. However, anything that is romanticised or idealized, very rarely happens in real life.
Having said that, it is actually good that you already have an idea in the qualities that you would like to see in a man who would be your partner one day. Maybe you will not get 100% of these qualities in him. And maybe too, your "list" will also "change" from time to time, as you develop new interests and as you grow older (and hopefully wiser). But that is fine.
The good thing about you having this list of good qualities in men that you would like to date later, is that it will keep you alert to recognize (and stay away) from men who do not honour love, respect and trust toward their partners.
Good girl!
Jas
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that Denny that makes me feel better. Yes I guess for now I can just sit here and hope for the best in the future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell what else should I do? I cannot think of acting any other way because that wouldn't be me, but I seem to be such a turn off to every guy. Okay so I'll try not to set such high standards but still....what else can I do? I was asked out once for homecoming (by my friend), but I know I wont get asked out to prom. *sigh*
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female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (29 March 2009):
because you have such an idea of who and what you want i doubt very much that relationship exists. while its nice to imagine and dream for you have to be realistic and rather than plan whats to happen why not let it happen naturally? that way its more likely to last longer and be a whole lot genuine. Guys will be intimated not only by your maturity and understanding of relationships but by the expectations you hold. you cant plan what somebody is to be like, where is the fun and the whole adventure in that? We all have a mr perfect idea but hes not reality! imperfections are what is needed in both the guy involved and the relationship itself. everyone longs for that deep and passionate side and someone is ou there for you but your spending so much time planning and organising you could be missing him or he could be right in front of you! stop preparing and complaing on missing out, your only missing out because your letting yourself miss out!youve had one relationship and that may not of worked out but that doesnt mean you have to change how the others pan out, things should fall how they should fall at that time and they all happen for a reason. the best parts of a relationship is the begining,dont rush it soo soon.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionummm....thats not really the answer I was looking for. I guess I should restate a few things..
*When I say passionate I dont mean sex-sex-sex-sex-sex. I guess loving is the better word. Someone who will just text me just to say "hey I miss you, and thinking about you."
*Also what I want is that special someone to call me up on a Saturday and say "hey want to go to the museum today? Then grab a light lunch?"
Thats my idea of a loving person. *sigh*
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): your only 16 stop looking for a relationship it will come to you.
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