A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a real pickle! I dated mt ex for almost a year when he unexpectedly broke up with me saying that he felt too much "pressure" for commitment. Fast forward 7 months later (now) and we still carry on as we did before we broke up, however when I ask about what's going on he says "we tried a relationship before and it didn't work" and "we will always be great friends." But when I ask for time and space, he calls even more. I ignore him and he calls even more. I don't get it. If he wants to date other people (I know he has) and sleep around, why does he keep coming back to me? We've had the "what's going on?" conversation so many times, and yet we always end up back there. If he wants friend with benefits, he can easily find someone else other than me. What do I do? I love him. I want to be with him. But I can't keep doing this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks quiet-echo... You are right. If it were just about sex, he wouldn't do the things he does for me - calls multiple times a day, confides in me about things he tells no one else, cooks me dinner, takes me out to events/dinner, brings me gifts, etc, etc, etc... But I don't think he has any idea of what I mean to him. I've always just been there. I'm moving out of state in 2 months for about 4 months which I know will be really good for us. Do you think the time away is enough to make him 1.) leave me alone or 2.) figure out his feelings and commit?
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (13 June 2010):
 No relationship = No sex ... Why do this to yourself when deep down surely you must know that he's just using you, whether he could find someone else to sleep with or not is irrelevant.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): No, you can't keep doing this, and you won't. It is just hard to know at what point enough will actually be enough for you. Its a good sign that you are seeking objective advice, maybe you are reaching for the truth of the situation.
He is getting exactly what he wants, and you are getting about 50% of what you want (probably less). He calls when you ignore him because he knows if he does that then you'll start to question your resolve, and things will go back to the way they were. It's no real sacrifice for him to call you a little more often, its a very small thing that requires no extraordinary effort. You get a bit more attention from him for a short time, but no commitment.
He is probably very comfortable with you and he enjoys the low-maintenance, non committal relationship you have. He already has a patented answer to give you if you start to want more, and he knows what to do to keep you. Its a very easy situation to maintain. Getting another FWB might not work out so well and would require actual effort and attention at least in the beginning. Exactly what you DON'T require. In that sense, you are a unique to him.
Don't take this as a knock on you, this guy sounds like a real jerk. Stringing an ex along is one of the worst things people can do. If you don't want to be with someone, you absolutely stop sleeping with them. What he is doing is cruel. I'm sure once you stop settling for getting 50% of what you want, you'll find someone who gives you everything.
Forget this guy, this isn't love, its worship. He's not being loving toward you, you can't really agree with the way he's treating you. Let enough be enough sooner rather than later! Ignore his calls at first, and then keep ignoring them until they stop. Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, tmisty777 +, writes (13 June 2010):
 Wow quiet-echo got it right on! Stay friends- only that! He seems to like you alot, but wants to have his fun, that's why he doesn't want a relationship. He keeps you near him while you're pushing away because when he is ready to have a elationship you will always be there. Don't do that! Go out, make new friends, date other guys (try not to get too intimate with the if you believe you and this guy might get together), and keep him distaced from you. You might be able to move on and leave him to his player ways, or he might decide that he wants more than just sex and will try t get you back.
Wither way, he ways he wants to be a friend- don't give him a relationship. Be a Friend!
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