A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice dealing with a one-sided love I have. I work with this wonderful woman and we are good friends. We joke, flirt around, and play fight all the time. We listen to each other and give each other support. Over the last couple of months I have had increased feeling for her.... downside is she is married. A week or two back she came to me with a question about what she should do about a crush of her own. Normally she tells me everything but the name of this person she would not tell me. I gave her the hypocritical advice of not making a play for him/her and risking her family over something that might not be worth it(even though she has told me her husband has cheated on her). A couple of days ago she made it a point to read me a few horoscopes for my sign that said I needed to "make my feeling known to the person I like" and "come clean with those I love". I took this as a hint that maybe she sort of knew my feeling toward her. Now I am in a pickle. I swallowed my nerviousness and approached her about my feelings. I told her I have had feelings for her for a long time and asked for a straight answer on her thoughts/feelings about me (was not trying to score a fuck buddy). *sigh* I got the "just friends" answer. But now I just feel stupid and regret finally opening my big mouth. I need help finding an outlet for these mixed feeling of sadness and love. How do I just go back to working with her like nothing is wrong? *sigh* So confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): Follow Up!
Well its been one heck of a month now. Three holidays and some ups and downs.
My co-worker and myself are still great friends. Its been hard but I have been trying to deal with my inner turmoil and not let it affect the way I act around her. She still trusts me. Now she has decided to tell me about her an another guy and is asking me my advice on the matter. Just doesn't seem she gets how bad that makes me feel. Here I lay myself out there and she gets involved with some that I am better than(I know it sounds conceded.... but I personally know the person).
Just feel like a whole has been punched in my chest. To the people that said I should create distance or walk away, you were right.
On another note I have also found someone that is possibly interested in me. Though she seems to just want to play games with me. :( Really just seems I can not win.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): This story is timeless.You just need, as others have said before me, to keep things to a friendship and start getting out there and dating others.She's already a good friend of ours. It would be a shame to lose a close friend over one person's feelings.I am in the same situation. I am very much in love with a female friend of mine. I talked to her about this. She was very good about it. But she didn't return my feelings.It hurt. Still does. But we still hang out and do the things we used to, no matter how painful I find it, because having her as a friend and having her in my life sure as hell beats not having her around.I mean where else am I going to find another lady friend who can watch Anime with?Do I wish things could be different and that she could feel the same way about me? Definitely.But its not the end of the world. And if anything, I may have lost a lover, but I have gained a good friend.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): just remember that failing or feeling embarrassed beats the hell out of never trying. You just did what you had to do, I'm sure this girl appreciates your feelings for her, and if you still want to be a part of her life, just try really hard to get over your feelings and become friends with her! Good luck!
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A
male
reader, yussuf  +, writes (24 November 2009):
 i give you props for being man enough to tell her what you felt, trust me it's better to get it out than keep it in and wonder what "IF". you did what any real man would and now, you have do respect her decision. my advise is, be scarse in her life & do things with other friends. goodluck bro!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): ok well the very best thing to do is simply accept it.
Firstly accept that she isnt into you. If you can get past it and be friends then great, but if not start phasing her out. If your suttle enough there wont be hard feelings. Do not keep on at her about it, she has made up her mind and will not change it.
Secondly accept that you want a gf. If you are having trouble meeting women then ask to be fixed up. It doesnt work alot of the time but going on the date is fun and will improve your confidence. Or you could try donig new things, dancing lessons are always great for confidence
all the best
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A
male
reader, xynebrutalis +, writes (24 November 2009):
 I recently am going to a situation sort of like yours, hut a lot different to. I have worked with this girl for 3 years, I met her at work, but I am also good friends with her outside of work. We've hung dozens of times but she always had a boyfriend. Well about a year ago i asked her to be my girlfriend, she said no. Throughout the past year shes dated a bunch of guys off the internet and flat out idiots and she always gets burned. I always tell her i'd make her dreams come true if she'd only take my hand. Lol, probably why she keeps saying no, but anyway, about 6 months ago i got a text from a person whose number i didnt have saved in my phone. The person said they where my secret admirer and had liked me for a long time. She refused to tell me who she was. But i knew it was her, so i confronted her on the subject the next at work about it and it was her. I asked her if she meant what she said and she told me she was just fucking with me. I grew pretty angry with her, and for a while we weren't even friends anymore. We've been friends again for about a month. Shes been asking if she could come over and hang out and I've been kinda blowing her off. I stopped getting my hopes up over something that wasn't really worth it if she didn't like me. So i told her to come over not really expecting her to show. But she did, she played games with me and some friends for a good four hours then watched a movie. She had fallen asleep in a chair during the movie. I was joking but i woke her up and told her to come sleep in my bed. We ended up having sex, and it was amazing. She even told coworkers and friends of hers, that are also my friends lol, that it was great. So i asked her out again. She didn't answer me until Saturday and she said no again. This time over the course of two days i had really gotten my hopes up. I was completely crushed that she had said no after everything that happened. She told me the day after that she shouldve listened to me about me being the right guy for her. So when she told me she wanted to remain friends it was like skipping a brick across a glass table. The brick never makes it to the other side. I was okay until today. A friend that lives right across the street told me she seen a guy go into her house from across the street, and when she woke up that morning the dudes car was still out front. Trust me a fuck buddy was not was i wanted with her either. At one point i considered to be in love with this girl, and now i am completely and utterly confused with my emotions. But i will be okay, you still gotta look for the good, even when all you can see is the bad. I hope my story helped you.
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