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male
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*vengali_not
writes: I broke every single relationship rule I have...I had a crush on a girl in college seven years ago, remember everything about her, nothing about the classes we shared. Then about seven months ago I ran into her where I work, big office building, didn't know she had been working in it for a year. Asked her out to lunch and we hit it off. Started hanging out together taking frequent walks and really digging each others company for about a month. Only catch was that she was married, in a love-less relationship with an older man for the past six years she said. For the next six months, it was hot and heavy, we saw each other every chance. Meanwhile she leaves her husband, files for a divorce and he moves out. She said she had been thinking about it for a couple years.Then about a month ago, of course after I am deeply in love with this woman, she turns on me. Picks up every negative she can lay on me and dumps me. I felt a little used but thought if I told her just how I felt, maybe, just maybe there was a chance things could work out or us. It has been downhill ever since and I finally told her that I wasn't going to call her any more (she was just being mean to me at this point anyway). I miss her like crazy and don't know what to do. Is there anything I can do or not do besides just moving on and thanking the stars for the fantastic memories I had with her? I know I have to let her go but part of me wants to hold out hope that somewhere down the road I might get her back. Am I just stupid? Any insight would be appreciated.Svengali_not
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crush, divorce, older man Reply to this Question
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reader, becky05 +, writes (15 July 2005):
I think that your ex was feeling guilty about leaving her husband for you and her behaviour was her unconcious way of 'punishing' you and herself for the split.You appear to know yourself that this was not a healthy relationship.I think you have done the right hting finishing with this woman.Move on with your life and forget about her.
A
female
reader, hopeless +, writes (15 July 2005):
All I can really say is let the past be the past. Enjoy every minute you did have, and move on with yourself and your future. It seems to me if she had been in a loveless relationship for that long you were just her scapegoat. Get out and enjoy life. The right person will come along and those memmories will be replaced with happier ones.
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A
female
reader, angelina +, writes (15 July 2005):
To be honest she sounds kind of unstable. Marrying an older man, getting involved with you while she was married, then turning so mean to you for no apparent reason. It sounds like she has trouble making good decisions. I'm not sure what it is about her that attracted you, but whatever it is, I don't think a stable future, marriage, kids, etc., is possible with this one. She sounds like she has a lot of issues, and the fact that you are a good guy who is in love with her probably freaks her out. She may want to get close to you, but at the same time she's scared of it. I don't know why, but she sounds like someone incapable of having a real relationship.
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