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female
,
anonymous
writes: Im 21. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. When he came back from holidays last summer, despite the fact that he emailed me every second day, things had changed for him in that I was becoming a lot less of a priority in his life. He was thinking very far ahead and saying he had to live his single life in case I left in the future and he'd be at square one with women. I was so upset because I love him and I started dating someone else in the hopes of getting back at him. It worked and he realised how much he missed me and really wanted to get back together.He has sent me a lot of long emails since then telling me how much he loves me and wants no one but me etc, however now it's summer again and he has gone away. This time I have only heard from him once in a month. I want to give him his space and not plague him but I feel sick to my stomach and have so much numbing fear in my heart. I love him so completly and cannot imagine life without him. He is only 22 and I'm trying to give him his space but if things got colder the last time when he was emailing me every second day he was away, will he want me at all when he comes back this time? Even though the previous emails he sent were so reassuring and he has been faithful for 3 years, I'm his first and only girlfriend.I'm still worried he won't want me.Please someone answer. I'm finding this hard and confusing to take.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (16 July 2005):
Tell him hes either with you or hes not. Dont wait for him to live his single life.
Hes being very selfish.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (15 July 2005):
 I think it is important to find out exactly where you stand with him and what he really wants from the future. You can't go on like this, playing the waiting game and being uncertain of what to expect.
You are both very young but that doesn't mean to say that a relationship can't work and thrive just because you are youthful. Saying that, if this relationship isn't destined for great things, you are certainly young enough to find someone else and fall in love again. This seems unlikely now but that is because you are hurting.
Email him and ask him what is happening and what he wants to happen. Ask him if you should wait for him as you are concerned of his lack of contact. Explain how you feel to him in that email and wait for a response.
I know you are scared that he may not want you anymore but even if that is the case, it isn't that he doesn't want you as a person, more so that he may have moved on and wants different things now. I have to say this to you and try to prepare you for that but I think you already know the reality of the situation.
He has been faithful for three years which is an excellent sign of his devotion to you, that and the emails that he has sent before but you need to know what is happening now so that you will know where your own life is heading. Right now, its on hold, waiting for him.
Try to get in contact with him if you can and lay your cards on the table in respect of what is going to happen next. Tell him you have been waiting for him thinking that you may still have a relationship but that you can't wait forever.
If and when he responds, at least then you will have an idea of where you stand and what to do about your future.
I really hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2005): I can totally relate to you. This exact thing happened to me. My boyfriend broke up with me because he "needed to be young". All i can say to you is that if you are happy with the guy youre currently with, stay with him. I made the mistake of going back to my ex and dumping the guy i was with and i regret it. I think you should sit down and write every good thing and bad thing about both of them. You will be surprised... the paper will choose for you. Hope i helped.
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