A
female
age
30-35,
*idsummer
writes:My bf and I have been dating for 6 months. I am on vacation right now with my mom, because she just retired. My bf didnt want me to go on vacation, but I had to because my mom had purchased the airplane tickets and everything before I even met him. So since, he got upset, because I told him I was leaving. I told him I would just be gone for a month, but in reality its a little over a month. A month and 12 days. So now he thinks i'll be there in 14 days when its infact 25 days left.What excuse can I make? Because I really dont want him to get mad and argue non stop if i tell him the truth. I know i shouldn't base a relationship on lies but when someone doesnt want to face the truth its kind of hard to be honest all the time. I love him, and I am happy with him, but what can I do??Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 December 2015):
 What do you mean, he can't face the truth? Did you tell him that your trip with your mother would last as long as it did?
Are there other 'truths' you can't tell him or is this the only one?
And you said "He starts to argue and get mad because I wont do what he says." What is he telling you to do? Beyond pay the bills you agreed to share?
A
female
reader, Midsummer +, writes (27 December 2015):
Midsummer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes we agreed on him paying for the rent & me on the food and utilities.
I wanted to tell him the truth from the start, but he is the one who cant facw the truth. He starts to argue and get mad because I wont do what he says. That is why I had to lie.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 December 2015):
Here is the post I remember reading: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-should-i-pay-for-in-the-first.html So over a month ago you knew you were going to be gone for a month and a half. And another one even earlier: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-change-my-plans-how-do-i.html
And here's where you were deciding whether or not to push him into moving out of his parents' house: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-push-my-bf-to-leave.html
And did you ever sort out the lease thing? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-would-i-be-on-the-lease-as.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/in-this-situation-can-i-be-added-to.html
Tell him the truth ASAP.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 December 2015):
Midsummer, I remember that you had wanted your boyfriend to move out of his mother's house because you couldn't be intimate together there, and you couldn't be intimate at your mom's house either.
Then when you convinced him to move into a new place together, you then wondered if you had to pay for your share for the first month because you were going away with your mother.
Now it turns out that you basically lied to your boyfriend about the true length of the trip you took with your mother.
So, if you have any hope at all of having this relationship survive, you need to tell him the truth about this. There's no excuse that will work to make him suddenly feel good about his girlfriend lying to him for months and months.
It's time to woman up and tell the truth. He needs to have the facts in order to deal with what you are doing and saying and presenting to him.
Please tell us if you have paid for your share of the new place you share together.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (26 December 2015):
 Im pretty sure he wouln't be happy if you asked him to refund the cost to your mum in order to stay either. if you feel the need to start making excuses over something so trivial early on in the relationship its not off to a good start. You had a life before him and made plans for a holiday-so what he really does need to harden up and get over it. Be honest with him by saying that you realise you should have been more up front and that was a mistake. You just have to wait until you get back to see his full response.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (26 December 2015):
 Relationships do not last if built on lies and mistrust. Why makes excuses? Just tell him the truth explaining the trip was planned before you met. Its as simple as that. If he can't respect that or the fact that you want to spend time with your mom, I wouldn't call him much of a boyfriend. He needs to man up and let you enjoy your vacation and you need to quit stressing and just be honest.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 December 2015):
 I agree with Sage.
No need for further "excuses" (read lies) just tell him I can't wait to see you on (insert date) - if he makes a fuss you can say what Sage wrote (just adjust it to your own language).
THERE is nothing wrong in going on vacation with your mom. He needs to stop whining and you need to quit lying. JUST be honest!
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (26 December 2015):
 I'm sorry to hear that you are in this predicament, but I don't think excuses (read: further lies) are the answer at this point.
Is there a reason why you didn't/couldn't tell him about this before you started dating? The fact that he wanted to hold you back from a vacation with family suggests a controlling streak, as most people would be happy for a partner who had the amazing opportunity to enjoy travel with their loved one/s. Did you hide this from him out of fear he wouldn't date you if he knew about it beforehand?
I'm going to be straightforward with you - sorry if it's not what you were hoping to hear. You were NOT in the wrong to want to travel with your mother as originally planned. The fact that you neglected to mention it till the last minute is not a particularly considerate way to announce things, but it isn't technically "wrong" either. However, the minute you intentionally LIED to your partner about how long the trip was going to take, you did commit a relationship no-no. Because I'm betting you sure as heck wouldn't appreciate it if he randomly lied to you about things, even benign ones. The problem with telling little lies is that your partner is left wondering whether you are capable of bigger ones, and lack of trust is one of the surest relationship killers out there.
You need to tell him the truth, and I honestly believe you should take a closer look at WHY you felt you couldn't be honest in the first place. Because a relationship where transparency about basic things like travel plans isn't possible doesn't sound like quite as happy a relationship as you may be telling yourself, and us, that it is.
Good luck and best wishes. Enjoy the rest of your trip!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 December 2015):
 WHY "make an excuse?"
You simply say to "bf": "I'm on vacation with my Mother. This was planned well in advance... even before you and I met.... and I plan to finish it out.... AND I expect YOU to understand what is going on... and be content with it. IF that's too much for you... then maybe you aren't much of a a REAL "boyfriend".... and I need to resume looking for one".....
Good luck...
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