A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I have this problem where I had crushes on boys before and I always look forward to dating and having boyfriend until I actually got one. he wasn't a bad guy he did nothing to hurt me but he was sort of laughing a lot and kind of mock me by saying things like hey I'm flirting with you flirt back! or he pulled me close and I would put my head down so it would only be a hugand he would just say no come here and we'd end up kissing and he told me I needed kissing lessons. I guess I just wasn't attracted to him and I thought he was rude when he made fun of people for driving the speed limit or for following rules and he never seem to take me seriously for little things I can't really explain. he broke up with me because we hardly spent time together and that's mostly because my parents wouldn't let me and I had to lie and say I was with friend when I was with him. having a boyfriend meantI didn't get to see my friends at all and my friends would get really mad at me when I really had no information to give them about getting physical with him or when I talked about how cute another guy was. my friends are the type who thinks that talking about how cute somebody is or flirting with somebody is considered cheating. but when I'm single they always want to know who I think is cute and then they want to tell him and everybody and they get really upset if the guy is taken or famous because I have no chance with him. for me, I guess it's just fun to have a crush on somebody and to get silly with them and all that. but as soon as he finds out I like him it ruins it and I lose my crush. also my friends think that girl who flirt a lot are basically just sluts. I said I wasnt ready for boyfriend and my friend told me that I was just hurting from my last relationship and that they would help me get better about making out so the guy wouldn't laugh meand that maybe you would give me another chance if I tried harder. I said I just wanted to date around and they said I was the biggest virgin they ever new and that even the duggars are smarter than I am. They said they couldn't see me be a slut and date around like that.I told them and told them that I just like to have crushes on people. they said that's really annoying and I'm not in third grade. I don't know why I lose my crush as soon as he finds out. It just ruins it because if he likes me I feel that I hurt his feelings and then he does not even want to be friends. if he doesn't like me he just makes fun of me or avoids me. why is it just so wrong to just want to date or just crush on people so I don't have to do anymore? am I really immature? most of the adults in our life think that my friends and I don't fit in with other people our age because were more mature. so why am I just so wrong and why do I lose my crush as soon as everybody find out and why does everybody keep getting so mad at me?
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female
reader, boo22  +, writes (27 December 2015):
 HiCrushing is one thing but leading them up the garden path is another.This behaviour never ends well.I see you are around 18.Boys that age are hoping for a bit more in the end than a bit of flirting and maybe a cuddle or whatever.It you've no intention to buy in the store, then don't try it on. It annoys the staff. x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2015): Are you immature? Yes and no. You seem to have NO interest in getting physical with anyone - that part of you hasn't matured yet - so in that since you are immature. BUT THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! You're just a late bloomer. You are also MORE mature than your friends bc you realize that about yourself and are trying to learn your lesson from your experience with having a boyfriend. Your FRIENDS are being jerks for not respecting that and for trying to help you get around your parents. Incidentally, your parents don't want you to have a boyfriend for the exact reason you just learned: sexual pressure.I think you are less immature and more naive; part of dating INVOLVES making out at least. Otherwise, you would just be opposite-gendered friends who act silly together. I don't think you really want to "date". You like crushes bc they seem safe, right? If you avoid relationships you avoid making out and you're free to move on to the next guy once you lose interest. No harm done, right? Well... Not really.I fully believe you mean no harm but bc you are so chaste (that's a good thing), any attention you give guys is going to make ppl who know you wonder if you like him. They'll gossip and say "OK now she's flirting with Cody when it was Jacob last week. SOMEONE needs a boyfriend." I WAS that friend who set up my friends so they would STOP flirting so much. I am also thinking you take it too far. If you were throwing your boobies in their faces and staring them in the eyes while you ate a sucker (which I doubt), I could see where the term slut came from. THOSE friends I wanted to set up with boyfriends bc I knew what all guys would want otherwise and eventually what my friend would fall into. (She came crying years after wondering why guys only wanted one thing). I mean you take it too far bc you *probably* give the guy/guys ALL of your attention, hang onto their every word, and giggle a lot. You act silly around them and then: uh-oh! He likes you. And then you don't know what to do next. Cue confused people, hurt feelings, and some resentment. THAT is why your friends find it annoying. Just work on being FRIENDS with guys and tone down the silliness. You'll be fine
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 December 2015):
 Well, your first BF was a jerk. Immature jerk. That happens. You dated him because you thought you should try and have a BF, not because you really cared deeply, nor did he care deeply for you.. And part teenage rebellion against your parents rules (dated him even if they don't allow dating) And part peer pressure, everyone else is dating.... It's kind of one of the lessons of growing up. You make mistakes, and hopefully you learn from these mistakes.
ENJOY having crushes and not dating. There is NOT hurry for you to "have" a BF if you aren't really sure you WANT to date yet. Having a relationship is something you NEED to be able to take seriously at least to make it work. It's not a game.
Flirting a lot doesn't =/equal being a slut. I think you friends are saying that to try and reign you in, if EVERY time you have a crush you go so "flirty-nutty" that you alienate the boy in question and make a fool out of yourself... maybe you need to learn a little moderation. Maybe you are a little over the top with the flirting? Have you tried to not be so dramatic about whom you are crushing on? Like not tell EVERYONE about it? Just keep it to yourself and TALK (not flirt) with the guy? See what kind of person he is? A crush ONLY means that ONE person likes the other, not that the other person MUST like him/her back.
Are you really immature? What if you are? So what? If you are not ready to date seriously, then don't. I wouldn't "date for fun" though - because there is another person involved in the dating process and whether you like it or not, their feelings count too, not just yours.
You are at the age where you are trying out new thing, more "adult" things and that... won't always be successful for you. (just like it isn't for everyone else). But you are also at an age where social norms change, as hormones and bodies change too. At age 10 you can be goofball and get people to laugh, at 16-17 most people will expect you to have outgrown the need for over the top performances, because it won't be THAT long before you are out in the World - either at college/uni or working full time and the shenanigans won't be considered OK in more "adult" company (not that many adults aren't immature as well - they just hide it better).
And you seem not at all ready for the more "adult" side of relationships which can be intimacy (not sex necessarily) but physical affection. So don't do it. It's not going to make you all grown up to do things (physically) with a boy.
RELAX and learn to chill a little.
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