A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What does it mean if a man says he cares about you? Does that mean he is really into you? And what if he says this when he is holding you (and you two have been "sexual" before but have not had sex yet, and he says he IS NOT expecting sex), does this mean he may genuinely care for me? (we have been dating for three months and are not an official couple) I want to know whether or not he is sincere or just wanting sex. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): Dear Poster
Thanks for the additional information.
As you have both been trying to "built" walls to protect yourselves from getting hurt, it is understandable that you are somewhat confused at this stage; Have you considered that he might be feeling the same.
I suggest you be cautious as he did tell you he is not ready to love anybody yet; but then that could have been part of his "wall" as you mentioned. Why not have a open and honest conversation, no playing games or "building" walls pretending; why not just be honest to him about how you feel and ask him to be honest about his feelings; tell him you don't want to ruin the friendship but that you are starting to develop feelings; if it is not mutual then you will respect his feelings and will remain friends, but at least you will know where you stand and if you should hang in or MOVE ON.
Emotions can develop without us being able to do much about it and for your own sake not to get hurt; I suggest you need to be sure about his intention otherwise "cool it" and start dating other guys as well.
I know this must be very difficult for you; I am very proud of you for not just having sex with him; keep it that way until you are sure about his feelings and intentions;
With time his action will give you answers, but if you don't want to wait; talk to him, honestly like a friend.
I hope that this is of some assistance.
Keep us updated.
Best wishes and keep SMILING.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we have been SEXUAL like I said but he said that he respects that I don't want to have sex and says its ok for us to kiss and cuddle or whatever if that's all I want to do and no matter how it goes he doesn't expect anything, ever.. But the thing about us not being together yet is cause we both have expressed to each other that we are scared of each other recently (this was the same night he was holding me and telling me that eh really cares about me). I am scared that he just wants sex and I am not quiet sure of what he is scared of. We are both kinda fresh out of relationships too though.. The reason I feel he may just want sex is because of the things that we have said to each other in the past when we were trying to put walls up between us. One time we were talking and I told him "You need to step your game up anyway if he saw himself chasing me" and that same night he told me he cared for me he brought that convo up telling me that hurt his feelings. I have also been a little mean to him to try to make sure he doesn't feel he "has me" yet because for a time he thought that I was trying to pursue a relationship with him. So during our "gaurded" convo he played along and acted as though he wasn't really feelin' me THAT much either and in that same convo he said " (My name), I'm not going to fall in love with you. Not that you're not worth it but, because I'm not ready for anyone to love me or to open up".. That REALLY still hurts when I think about him saying that. But, he has admitted to having walls up before and being afraid.. I just don't know though everyone..
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A
female
reader, type4help  +, writes (20 September 2008):
 seems a pretty genuine guy if you have been dating for 3 months, and he hasn't tried to have sex with you!
he must care and respect you, because most men would have tried to have got you into bed by now!
good luck. looks like hes a keeper.
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): Do you have reason to doubt his sincerity?
Is there more to the story, that you perhaps are not telling us?
After 3 months you are still "only dating"; you are not a "couple"?
Are you or him, or both, still "dating" others too?
What is the "vibe" that you are getting from him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): I look forward to hearing the replies to this too... X
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