A
male
age
41-50,
*immy5883
writes:Hi everyone, sorry this is a long one ! I recently had an issue with my girlfriend. I came home one night and she asked me to move out as it was her house. We had been together for 9 months and lived together for most of that time as well. I'm 27 and she's 36 she also has two daughters aged 14 and 16 who I get really well with and always said the 14 y o looked up to me as a father figure as she was widowed three years ago after her husband died in a motorbike accident. The age difference has never been a problem and I think the world of the girls as i'm not bothered about having kids of my own. I thought everything was going great up until about three weeks ago when I came home and she asked me to move out as she said she wanted space and had been upset since what should of been her husbands birthday a few days before. I accepted her demand and moved out later that night she text me to say she still loves me and isn't dumping me, however, after valentines day she said it was over as she thinks she's holding me back and should be doing my own thing. I told her I didn't want that and more or less begged her to not let me go. The next day I went round to see her again and was very distant and said she needs her space as she feels like I was checking up on her. Friday night I ended up staying there for the weekend as I had problems with my Mum so she took me in for the weekend. When I spoke to her friday night she said she didn't love me the way I wanted her to. She was out all day Saturday and came home as I was about to go out and dj. I left a couple of hours before I started so she could have some time at home without me being there, before I left I asked her what she was doing tonight, she said she didn't know. I went round a friends house before I started dj'ing, when I got to the bar I realised I had left my headphones at hers so went back to get them. When I got back the blinds were all closed and she had another man round who I know is a notorious womaniser. I just got my headphones and left as I left I text her to ask what was going on and she said he's an old school friend and there was nothing to it as he has a girlfriend. The only problem is she never shuts the blinds she has also been overprotective of her phone and been getting more texts than usual even in the early hours of the morning. Before this I HAD asked her if there was anyone else and she said no and would be honest with me if she was. When I got back from dj'ing I confronted her again about it. I asked her to swear on my life and she wouldn't. On Sunday again she was out all day and when she got back sunday night, again, I confronted her and she said if keep questioning her I would have to leave so I stopped.I text her today to apologise and to say I had been a fool and ask her if we are ok and still be friends she said ok. I also completely moved out this evening. Both her daughters said they were going to miss me and this brought a tear to my eye.I still don't know if she's seeing this guy as throughout this dilemma she hasn't seemed to of been depressed about us breaking up if anything she's just the same, just not with me. I need to know if she's seeing this guy as it's eating at me !At the same time I still want her back, I realise now i've moved out that I have to give her space but what else can I do, I just have such a gut feeling that it isn't over and we can rekindle what we've had. What else can I do to win her back ?
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male
reader, jacktheripperr  +, writes (21 January 2011):
To be honest I think she was already seeing someone while you guys were together or had interest in someone. Since you said she been getting a lot more texts then ever and she been very protective of her phone. She made it obvious. You also went back to the house and the blinds were closed and there she was inside with another man which you said was known to be a womaniser. I'm sure she denied that he was just an old friend. She also wasn't depressed about the break and sure as hell it wasn't over her husband that passed away. But to win her back? I say you just give it time. Don't stick around and show her you'll always be there. Let her know your a once in a life time guy. Go on with your life don't call\text her. Show her your happy and doing good and eventually she'll know she had something good and now its gone. She'll come back..trust me..been there done that. Good luck my friend
A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (22 February 2010):
 Did you see the break up coming, was your relationship more tense around that time for any certain reason? My guess is that you moved in too quickly, at nearly the beginning of the relationship, when you didn't know each other too well. This might have put extra pressure on the relationship. Because some couples after moving in will try hard to bring it one step forward, even if the relationship doesn't have the potential to work in fact(?) Then, it's the age gap, possibly. You describe the facts as if it all happened so suddenly but this is definitely only at the surface. Something may be missing from her point of view and if you can't be told why and what lead to this, chances are she doesn't think it can be fixed. For now all you can do is respect her wish of giving her personal space, control the jealousy issues, see how she reacts as you call sometimes to catch up. But in the meanwhile, go make your own life, and take good care of yourself, treat yourself, get some sleep too.
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A
male
reader, goodguy11 +, writes (22 February 2010):
Well I guess her mind is made up. When she said she doesn't love you they way you want her to is a nice way of saying I don't love you anymore. Chances are she's been thinking about this for a while because it just doesn't happen overnight that one day you come home and she wants you out the house. If this is what she wants then you have to give it to her. And questioning her about what's going on in her life isn't helping. She said it was over so she doesn't have to answer to you any longer. I don't mean to be rude but that's exactly what she's thinking. You gotta move on. When a women says she needs space it means it's over. When a woman says she needs time to think it means she's trying to figure out what she wants. Don't confuse the two. I'm sorry this happened to you. But the chances of you getting her back are very slim. And don't count on the she'll miss me strategy because that rarely works. You're still young and have a great life ahead of you. Live in the moment and not the past. Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): Hello i dont think you can win her back. You have to look at the possibility that you were around at a time when she was going through a very traumatic time, namely the death of her husband. Im guessiing she was going through the motions but she must have been emotionally numb for a long time. She is probably coming out of that place now and finding her feet again. You can only start being being friends with her. See where it leads, but you cant win her back unless she wants to be back with you again.
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