A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I got this text about 18 hours after we had sex for the second time. We see each other several times a month without anything physical happening. I've known him for 6 years and we have always had a strong attraction to each other. He's 43, I'm 35. He's dealing with some stuff and I am too so we both have agreed a relationship is not what either of us is looking for. So what does this text message mean? I don't understand the sad emptiness part. He only had sex with me to get rid of the emptiness? As a side note and maybe his concern - I'm currently separated from my husband and my husband was the only other sexual partner I've had. Is he worried about that?Is he done with me? What am I missing? No relationship status was discussed that night. The text:"Thanks for coming over. I am not sure how I feel about it all. Seems like a good idea at the time but there is a sad emptiness I feel inside. I do care about you but there is something that keeps telling me it's not right. I don't know. Please can we just keep it friendly. I am stressed out. Too much bouncing around my head"
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2015): I see it as, when it was suggested that you both had sex, and decided to have an arrangement of sex and no ties, it seemed a good idea at the time. He knows that he cannot even think about a relationship and while it felt good at the time he feels empty and sad knowing its only ever going to be sex and he feels now even that is too much for him to deal with.
He sounds like he has loads of issues he needs to deal with and take it from someone who is with someone with issues, there is no way forward with someone until those issues have been dealt with.
I suggest you be there as a friend as he wishes and find someone to date if that's what you want.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2015): I don't know what it means, you should ask him. I never have sex outside of a relationship and I don't have to deal with this type of situation. If you don't want a relationship don't have sex, just masturbate until you're ready for one.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 January 2015):
 I think it's because you're still married. You are still married to your husband even though you are separated. He may think you being with him is a salve and that you and he are using each other to self-medicate the bad feelings away.
If there were no feelings, he'd be using you until he didn't feel like it anymore. But I think there are, and I think he's afraid of getting hurt by you returning to your husband or remaining in a state of married/separated limbo.
You never mentioned HIS relationship status. Is something similar going on in his life as well?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2015): Texts are not the best way to communicate such things. Next you see him, casually ask him what he means.
Either way, doesn't want to have sex anymore. He only wants to stay friends.
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A
male
reader, Cuse78 +, writes (16 January 2015):
I'm guessing he is scared to death about ending up in a relationship. No man would complicate a situation like this with words like his. He thinks that if sex keeps happening, you will either want a relationship or he will lose a friend. The empty feeling is probably more like butterflies.
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A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (16 January 2015):
 From what I understand from the text he is telling you he no longer wants to have sex with you however he wants to continue to be friends.
I'm guessing the attraction is there however he has no feelings for you which causes him to feel "empty".
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