A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend told me that he wants to be friends because his job lower his hours and he is having a hard time paying his bills. Do this sound like he is involved with another woman? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 January 2015):
 I definitely DO NOT think it's another woman, more like hurt ego.
I would give him the space he is asking for. BUT I would NOT become his buddy. To me that seems like he thinks he can keep you around but by removing the "relationship" he can still see you but not have to pay for you.
I think a DECENT guy would suggest that you two go Dutch (50/50) and cut back the going out on dates that cost money, instead of a ... I can't afford a GF, will you still be my friend (possibly FWB?).
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 January 2015):
 I agree with Sy - doesn't sound like an affair to me either.
He's either freaking out about his job, or he feels like he can't afford a girlfriend. Guys are under a lot of pressure to take girls out, buy things for him, and appear virile financially. He has taken a blow to his ego both by the demotion at work and reduction of hours, AND by not being able to afford to carry on with you like he used to.
Do you know how hard it would be for him to ask you to pay for things he used to easily? He probably feels like he doesn't want to put you through dates consisting of staying at home and not spending money.
I think his "wants to be friends" as opposed to "I can't see you anymore" confirms my thoughts on this. He's hoping times change for him, and he wants to keep you at the ready.
My thoughts are complicated. On the one hand, I applaud him not guilting you into paying for everything. On the other hand, what's going to happen if he gets married and life deals an inevitable setback like it does to us all? Will he flake out and run?
I think at this point, you step back and not contact him. Wait for him to talk to you and tell him that unless his breakup was a copout, you should have both put your heads together and decided how to proceed together.
Much of my relationship with my now-husband was as a poor college student working full-time on my own, riding either public transportation or a rusty car when it wasn't broken or in need of brakes. We got very creative on dates, not spending much on a lot of them, taking walks, our meals consisting of a $1 pretzel we paid Dutch for...and the dollar theater that ran second-run movies and smelled like cat pee and sticky floor. I wouldn't give that up for anything in the world!
Let him be alone for a bit to regroup. He's taken a shot to the ego. Yes, technically you can see other people now, but be patient. I doubt that he's going to go date other women with limited finances.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (16 January 2015):
 This does not sound related to an affair. He may be undergoing some stress and not willing to take responsibility for a girl friend. It could also be a cop out excuse and he just does not want to be with you anymore. But it does not automatically point to an affair.
It doesn't matter at this point. Even if he is with someone else, at least he had the decency to break up with you, unlike sooooo many others.
You'll be ok! Don't worry about it, just try to start moving on
~Sy
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