A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Just wanting to know how people accept when a relationship is over because one person has commited numerous hurts to the other and no matter what they did, the relationship could never be happy 100% because of the outcomes of the betrayal.. How do you move on from someone you still love dearly, but know it will cause more pain then happiness if you stayed? How do you walk away when your love for them is still so deep?Thanks
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone who has commented. Each and everyone of you has said something that will help me. What he has done is irreparable - and yes if I were to try with him again it would be a losing battle.. so thanks for reminding me of that, I do need to be reminded of why I broke up with him and not worry about the "what ifs" because I do believe the "what ifs" are what has had me stringing along in the hope his promises will become reality. Im just finding it extremely hard to walk away from his words, his promises, his apologies...but I do know I have no choice but to.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): Sorry you are going through this....hope this helps a bit.
All the best and remember that you WILL be happy.
http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Up
...............................
A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 There is an old Chilean saying... Don't choose battles you can't win...
How does this apply to what you are asking? Well, staying with this guy would be a battle you can't win. It sounds like he is causing you a lot of pain.
Choose battles you can win, and you will get more fun out of life.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 April 2010):
Personally, I realized that there were people out there who wouldn't hurt me, so I cut all contact and threw myself into my own life. I soon got over my ex hurting me.
You can get through this. Someone who hurts you this much is someone you don't need in your life, and you will be surprised what happens when you do leave him and realize there are better people out there.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): With me, times I have broken up like you describe, where it is all of a sudden, for some irreparable thing that has happened, I usually have done so cold turkey. There has usually been some last straw that I just can't tolerate, I put my dignity above all else, and never look back. Its hard sometimes, especially if you loved that person. I don't know though, I am very proud. Some days were harder than others and sometimes I would sit at home and cry because you are going to miss that person. Breaking up is no picnic. But it gets easier and easier with time. Some people may tell you to take up a hobby, hang with friends, all good suggestions but the reality is that your state of mind is everything. It doesn't matter where you are or what you are doing because if you are in the wrong state of mind, none of it is going to make any difference on how you feel. The best state of mind to be in is to know that it is over, that it is definitely over. Accept that its not going to change and that you had what you had and that's that. Don't ponder the "what ifs." Just accept that its over. Don't hope that in the future you both can rehash something...NO. Its over. You are going to meet someone else who is different. Once you accept that its over, start living in the present, and hope for a better tomorrow, things are going to look up for you faster than you think. One more thing, try not to talk about him. When you are out with your friends or in public, distract yourself by asking your friends lots of questions and getting involved with their stuff. Save the tissue talk for a special evening when you are at home alone or with a good friend. But try not to make it a daily routine. Your friends and people around you will admire you when they see how well you are handling things and that you are not falling apart.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): Never let someone be your everything as when you lose them you will lose everything. Always remember to love yourself and not to allow anyone to hurt you. Move on!
...............................
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 How? Because you have to remind yourself that a relationship is about being happy and about being at peace with one's life while sharing it with someone else. While no relationship is perfect, healthy relationships aren't hurtful to the point where they lead to betrayal and mistrust. You have to remember that in the adult world of reality, it takes a lot more than just love to make things work. I know it's even harder to break things off when you still love the other person, but just remember that if you are already to this point, there is a very valid reason why you shouldn't be with this person.
You have to hold onto the idea that there is someone out there in the world that is even better than the person that you were with, and they won't cause you to feel hurt and betrayed. To end things in an unhappy relationship, in spite of the fact that there is still love takes a lot of courage, but you can do it. Just remember that there is a good reason as to why you are breaking things off, and that it's time to move on in order to perhaps find someone even better to give them a chance. Best of luck.
...............................
|
