A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What does my ex mean? I cut off all communication with my ex seven months ago by changing my phone number and telling me to never contact me again. He still emails me once in a while but I have never responded. I broke up with him because he was emotionally abusive. I was stupid and looked at a youtube video he made of us when we were together but didn't take down. Since he made the video I think he knew that I viewed it. Anyway, just yesterday he emailed me and said maybe we could go dancing again (he's moving back to where I live) "if I promise to keep our relationship friendly." He also said "that's probably what we should have done all along, you will make a good friend." What does he mean? Does he mean he never thinks we should have been together in the first place? Does he also mean that he doesn't want me hitting on him if I see him again? For one, I would never see him or be friends with him because I broke up with him for a reason. Is he just manipulating me into thinking he's over me when he really isn't, what is he trying to do? He also said he had some stuff of mine and wants to know what to do with it but could have sent it a long time ago with the other stuff he sent or thrown it out when I told him to. He ended it with hoping i'm doing well, and not love, which he has done in all the other emails. that's great if he's moved on-because I have found a new love myself. but why is he emailing me after i have told him repeatedly to leave me alone, and what is he even saying in this email? I know I shouldn't care and that's probably what all of you will say, but I can't help but be frustrated. you see, i would have stayed with him if he would've treated me better in the relationship, but he didn't, so I left. how can he say we should've always been friends all along, or does he mean since we broke up (because he wanted to remain friends with me but i wanted nothing to do with him).
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 I agree with the anon poster in here.
Pushing buttons is the exact word i would use.
I too have an ex that sounds very familiar to yours.
Stand your ground. Whats probably happened here is he has just split from someone he was seeing, and wants to push buttons on you again! Its a control thing.
What you did before, ignoring his emails, worked or so long didn't it. Its like givng up smoking, there will always be times when its offered to us again, its a case of maintaning strength and saying no.
All this wanting to be friends stuff and saying you should always have stayed that way is balls. If you let him, he would be back in the driving seat controlling you agan in a flash mark my words. Trying to get his foot in the door 'as friends' is just stage one for him to manipulate his way back in again. You was obviously useful to him back then and if anything like me, too damn soft and open to being taken advantage of!
And if you have a new relationship, you dont need another mate anyway do you.
Maintain the control with this guy, he is a stubborn one isn't he!
C xxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): You have been doing well by ignoring him;
KEEP IGNORING HIM; he is trying to play mind games with you;
Don't waste time thinking about him and his emails; enjoy your life and your new boyfriend;
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): It sounds like he was just trying to push your buttons and obviously it worked. He is just pulling stuff out of thin air, anything he can think of or make up, just to get a reaction out of you. That's all. If he really felt that way, that he thought you both should have always been friends, he wouldn't have told you. And if he really felt that way, he wouldn't be contacting you after you told him to leave you alone. Obviously he still cares and is just trying to manipulate you.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 July 2008):
Wow, you are still HUGELY touchy over this man so what ever advice you get, don't meet him. You are not ready and are not strong enough not to over analyse everything he says and does.
What he meant was that he would just be friendly and just want to be your friend. He's trying to work his way back into your life and it trying to get across that he's changed, he's a wonderful human being etc etc etc. But you notice he doesn't once say he's sorry for the way he acted, just that perhaps he should have been more of a friend to you. What does that even mean?
He's trying a new tactic of manipulation. Do exactly what you've been doing so far. Delete it and get on with your new boyfriend. Men like this never change, for them it's all about power to make you do things, and it's driving him MAD that you've developed a backbone and are ignoring him rather than crawling back to him.
Good Luck!! xx
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