A
male
age
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anonymous
writes:HiIf there is anyone who knows about dreams what does this mean.About several times a month I dream about my wife flirting and then having sex with some of our friend's husbands, who I know are attracted to her. She hasn't done anything in that way and we have a good sex life.The dream seems to last all night and I am not sure if I like it or not. What I mean by this is whether it turns me on. Anyone any ideas?
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male
reader, teo2  +, writes (8 August 2010):
I think that negative responses are very culturally based. Dreams are not reality and so we can free ourselves of many cultural assumptions that restrain us. I think the trick is not to try to apply waking morality to dreams.
I have dreams repeatedly in which my wife has an ongoing relationship with one of three men who are really interested in one of her passions (gardening, dancing, cooking). When I have a dream like this I tell her all about it in great detail the next morning in bed. We often analyze them. They are not necessarily focused on sex, but sometimes I am present and watch and feel very good that my wife is having a very pleasurable experience. In fact one of the men the dancer is a great lover. My reaction is to do some of the things I see him do in my dream. I seem to be able to keep violence and negative social effects out of them, when those things try to intrude, so I assume there is some lucidity. We have never confused these semi-lucid dreams with reality we are very monogamous. What I do think these dreams have done is to eliminate the negative judgment I have had about people who choose an open lifestyle. Not ready to go there, but if my wife actually had sex with someone else, I doubt it would do more than have us review our marriage to see if something is missing or figure out if sex just happened. That is there was a physical attraction in a situation that allowed them to get to know each other and they just clicked in a highly unusual way. I would not call our marriage open, we have never had sex outside of our marriage with another and probably never will, but these dreams and talking about them (at first she was put off- now she likes them)has in my opinion helped us to grow up in our sexual atitudes.
A
male
reader, Rousseau  +, writes (6 May 2009):
I have had these dreams also, but I always become infuriated and go after her. It is often her flirting in front of me, as if to taunt me. In the real world this is the opposite of her nature. I think that it is some experience or something we have read, seen, or fantasized at some point that got into the subconscious. But I definitely know that it is not something that turns me on or that I would ever want to happen.
P.S. No one "knows" about dreams, interpretation is subjective and that is all there is to it.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (12 February 2008):
 Subconsciously you have noticed that your friends find your wife attractive and this is making you feel somewhat insecure. You are also inadvertently taking things a stage further in your mind and questioning how you would feel about it if she did stray, if you'd let her/watch her/take part etc.
You have a good sex life with her and have never had any suspicions that she would do such a thing so I wouldn't worry too much about it. I suggest you mention your dreams to your wife in a joking fashion and see what she says about it. He'll probably be repulsed by the thought which would certainly reassure you!
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Seems to me that you have some fears or suspicions that even YOU weren't aware of. Sit down and have a quiet time with yourself to analyze these dreams; why do I have theese dreams? Do I get jealous when I see my wife with these people? Do I have fears of her cheating on me? Is it a secret fantasy?Sitting down to do some deep thinking my unlock the answers you didn't know you had. Good luck!
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