A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am engaged to be married and I have the strongest feeling ever that he is cheating on me. We have this strong connection but lately it's been fading away. He is spending most of his time with his friends and he is just distant. Lately this feeling has been sneeking up on me and whenever i see him I am sure that he is hiding something. Please please tell how can I know. I cannot ask him because he will definitely lie and i need to know because these doubts are killing me. I've always trusted him but something is not right.
View related questions:
engaged, fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): I was in your shoes not too long ago. My fiance cheated on me. He was the sweetest caring person and nobody would even THINK of him cheating. But i too noticed a change in behavior and working late nights at work. I figured he was really working late as he did in the past but this time was differnt. His behavior changed towards me. He got rude and agitated at every little thing i asked. I noticed he spent lots of time on his computer and everytime i was around him (we lived together) he would hide his websites and/or leave the computer. I got very suspicious. So i went on and checked his computer and sites he visited. And noticed a girls name repeatedly and what do you know? I see a pic of him and her together. I confronted him about it. He denied it saying she is just a friend. A week later i find out this girl is pregnant with his baby. Now he tells me it was one time he was with her compared to his 'i never slept w/ her story'. It hurt me very much. I had to leave and dumped him.
I would do research on your fiance. computer, cell phone, follow him around, etc...Try to find out now before you get more hurt later. I hope that's not the situation but do it subtly.
Good Luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Ok - I've always thought to trust the gut instinct so will stick with that but you need concrete evidence and as you say he is unlikely to admit it. Some practical suggestions (although we shouldn't be sneaking but needs must) is to check his phone. If he makes excuses to not see you and it sounds dubious - just turn up at where he said he was going and say you didn't want to miss out. If your feeling is that strong you will get to the bottom of it. Try not to give too much away as to what you are doing. I suspected my boyfriend was drifting away and he's always had 'female friends' (often another smoke screen) so I checked his phone and lo and behold.... some interesting text messages. I played it really cool (which was difficult as I was fuming) and one day caught him out - he had no where to go with his lies any more.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): I have a similar feeling with my boyfriend. You're right. If he is cheating, he will just lie when you ask. Wish their was a way to figure it out too. The only thing I could think of is in both of the cities I've lived, they have a segment on certain radio stations where they will call the partner in question and tell him/her they won a bouquet of flowers. They ask the person who to send them too and what to put on the card, while the other partner listens on the other line. Surprisingly and sadly enough, this works most of the time. You may want to see if there is something like that where you live. Good luck and keep us posted, cause I'm kinda in the same boat.
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (12 February 2008):
 Hi
I know what you mean about the instincts. Unfortunately, i too had similar feelings when i had been with someone nearly a year. Couldnt put my finger on it, but used to say to him, i just have this feeling something is going on that i dont know about. He used to swear it wasnt. And we would be fine for a few days/weeks, then i would get that niggling feeling again. We split a few months later after me accusing him of allsorts. And it doing our heads in. After we split he came clean. He wasnt sleeping with anyone else but was in touch with someone that he felt i wouldnt approve of. He said he knew i knew at the time but didnt know what to do and hoped the situation would go away.
Needless to say i was a tad peed off.
So, i would say, trust those instincts and ask him outright. He might have a bit more of a concience than my ex and come clean if you say those feelings wont budge! Let us know what happens.
C xxxx
...............................
|
