A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What does it mean when you can't forget your first love? We only dated 2 years, but I still think about and miss him every day. We have been broken up for almost 2 years also, and have very little contact.I have dated many people since, and things typically start out well, but fizzle quickly, as the relationships lack the spark that I am looking for. I have gone back to school since the breakup (and started an additional degree), embraced friendships, volunteered, worked a great job. I have lived my life and done things I wanted to do, and yet I can't seem to shake him. Does this mean we are supposed to be back together, or should I settle for the nice guys that I meet, and have a relationship that lacks "spark"?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 December 2011):
 It means that you haven't REALLY moved on and are still misdirecting your emotional anergies in the wrong directions. It means that you haven't REALLY come to terms with the fact it's over, and that if it's over there must have been a reason, and that if you trust your life process it will duly unfold and will bring you along new, different paths in love. Not " better " ,not " worse ", just different. I know, you have been good, and brave, and done all you were supposed to do to move on,.. but you have gone through the motions, you haven't put your heart in it. It's like you WANT to keep that door still a little open, hoping that who knows how, who knows when, maybe one day...
It's only up to you to decide if you want to definitely close it and if you'd live better without holding on. If he were dead, - that would be very final right ? You'd cry, you'd grieve, you'd tear your hair, but, eventually, at some point, you'd recover and move on, because life always does. Life moves forward regardless, and often it's less painless to second the flow.
I have got two friends who have lost each a CHILD, and trust me, that's unbelievably more horrible that losing any lover. They have been in very bad shape for a few years, and then, when they decided that nevertheless they wanted to stay alive ( they both contemplated suicide ) they also decided that might as well try to live the best possible life and wrench out of life any possible ounce of happiness and fulfillment it could still provide. It resulted , in both cases, to be much,much more than expected . Of course, they haven't forgotten, they never will ( but, again, losing a child is not like losing a lover ) - they just have given up clinging to what's not here anymore.
A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (19 December 2011):
 I can't say whether or not you ahouls settle, or whether you 2 are meant to be, but I can share my experience with you. I had a man from my past that I just couldn't shake, I had lived my life and had even stopped all contact to forget him. It didn't work. So after a number of years of going through this, I contacted him again, at the time thinking that I would prove to myself that breaking up was the best thing. I contacted him and we talked for 14 hours in our first conversation, it turned out that we had both been feeling the same way missing each other. We have now been a couple for over a year and are very happy, planning our future together. It may not work out that way for you, but there is a chance it could. The thing for me was that I couldn't bare thinking for the rest of my life "what if" and settling for someone else when he was still in my heart. It's better to know for sure than to always wonder, at least it was for me. My suggestion is tell him how your feeling and see what happens, maybe it will work out that you 2 can be together, maybe you will find out that he feels your not meant to be, but it may be able to free you from this constant circle your in of missing him and wondering. I hope this helps. Good Luck and Happy Holidays.
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