A
female
age
41-50,
*toopidcupid
writes:Hi everyone,This is a little long but im going to try and keep it simple...Okay so 6 months ago i met a guy online (yeah its one of those stories lol).Really hit it off,talked for hours,talked for hours on the phone,webcam etc-basically we got really close (close as you can be like that).Okay so i asked him to meet up with me,he agreed and we set a date.A couple of days before that he said he couldnt make it and said he had social anxiety,he needed a bit more time to feel comfortable.Ok,fair enough,things continued as they were.Set another date,just before that he disapeared out of the blue on me,didnt contact me for a few days.When he got in touch he said it was because he'd been too worried to meet me and this anxiety thing was getting to him,he didnt want to drag me into it etc.Well i wanted to support him and be there with it,so we continued as we were.He was meant to start to drive to where we were gong to meet just to get rid of some of the anxiety,every time he was meant to he came up with an excuse not to.Social anxiety became agrophobia,although he can still go round his mates house and to work etc (?)Anyway the excuses and broken promises started to create a bit of tension between us,he started blowing very hot and cold on me,one day saying i was his perfect woman,he was crazy about me,the next i hardly hear from him and hes saying things arent like they used to be.Okay so im confused,but we agreed on another date,well,a couple of weeks from now infact,hes all enthusiastic and positive and now...hes gone cold on me.When i talk to him he says he really wants to be with me,cant wait to meet me etc,but he keeps saying he will call and doesnt,doesnt hardly text,or comes online to talk to me really late for a very short time,and im haveing to chase him.Hes saying one thing but showing me another,and i cant get any sense out of him when i ask whats up with it.Im thinking "hes just not that into you",but then why tell me he is? Im hopeing it sounds obvious to people who arent caught up in it.So from what i said,as outsiders,what does this sound like to you?
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female
reader, stoopidcupid +, writes (15 February 2009):
stoopidcupid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your replys everyone...some interesting points.
At the moment im just stepping back from him a bit and seeing what happens.thankyou for your inputs!! xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): listen sweetie.. i think you are over anylising the situation. He suffers from a very very bad debilitating condition whihch effects the persons mind beyond there own control (curable ofcourse - it is a temporary condition). I am a nurse and my husband suffers from general anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder. They tend to withdraw and not want to talk to or see anyone, and they are fully aware of this but cannot control it. Just be there for him and show him what true love is... you just might save him..like how i saved my husband. We met online 10 years ago.. talked online for 3 years...finally met...and got married! If he is your soul mate..and you will know and feel it..then i suggest sticking it out, no matter what he says! he will get days where he wants to give up...but dont let him.. otherwise you just may loose your potential love of your life! Dont let some silly condition give you doubts about his feelings. Stay strong with him, and make sure he knows it! goodluck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): cut him a break, he suffers from social anxiety disorder and it is a debilitating condition. I suffer from this disorder along with General anxiety disorder and currantly in a long distance relationship. I have done the exact same things to my girl in my relationship however she has stuck by me for 5 years in our long distance commitment, she knows that when my anxiety gets really bad i WITHDRAW and tend not to want to talk about my problems or see anyone. Stand by him... i garantee you he likes you just as much as you like him...give it time..let it grow..dont stress over the situation. It will get better as time goes on...tell him you are there for him no matter what and you want him to get better. YOU DONT WANT TO MAKE THIS A "WHAT IF" SITUATION!
I am currantly 70 percent recovered and getting better, without my girl i probably would not make it!
Google his condition and learn more about it, you will then understand why he does the things he does. I wouldnt wish this condition upon my worst enemy. goodluck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): A lot of men get bored if you do the chasing. There's no challenge for them. Sit back and let him do the running. If he doesn't,he isn't interested in anything more than emailing,so just leave it and find someone more willing to meet you. And don't take it personally; he would probably be like that with anyone.
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A
female
reader, Mrs. Mom  +, writes (13 February 2009):
 It sounds like he's got some problems that you don't need to deal with. I suggest you cool things down with him and find someone who you can connect with face-to-face.
In my experience, when someone keeps coming up with excuses for not showing up, it's just not good news. You may never know the real answer about WHY he didn't show up, but I am pretty certain he isn't worth your while. You are never going to be able to make him act in a satisfactory way, so the best thing for you is to just stop trying.
I'm sorry! Better luck next time!
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A
male
reader, anoms +, writes (13 February 2009):
 i guarantee he's into you, you gotta cut him a break though, he sounds realy shy, stick with it, gudluk.
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