A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I liked this guy back in february and we had talked for 2 weeks. when i discovered he had a girlfriend we stopped talking . In april we reconnected through facebook and started to talk again since he was single for over a month now. he seems like the perfect guy to me and we connect in so amny ways. we both love eachothers company. its been about 2 months of talking on aim now and ive seen him 3 times. 2 of the 3 times we were secluded from the public and he asked to get physical. i turned him down.we walk around holding hand and kissing yet he doesnt want to ask me out. we talked about it and he aggreed tht we are inbetween friends n being official. i consider that dating. when i started to push the labels of being gf and bf he said: All i want from you was to listen and understand and be there for me, care for me, hold me through hard times, kiss me and let me know your there for me, make me laugh when im down, and laugh with me when im happy......and ill do all of that and more in return. and its obvious he truely cares for me. he wants to be with me entirely like a couple yet it seems like friends with benefits because we arent official. Are his actions of wanting to be with me without the label normal? should i just learn to trust in him so that i dont need that reassurance tht comes from being his gf? overall i dont know how to interpret what he does n says.. what does he want from me..
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 July 2010):
 It is not really a matter of reassurance or trust issues-
if you are expected to think, talk and act as if you were his girlfriend, ...then you are actually his girlfriend and I don't see the need for unofficiality.
Again, a bit of caution will be good, and ,again , I am not saying this is a bad guy, he may just be taking things slow , but ,ultimately people speak through their actions not their words,-hence my invitation not to misread what's going on.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (17 July 2010):
 If he hasn't asked you out on an official date - not just a "come over and visit with my family" date, you are not dating. You are just hanging out.
Until he asks you on an actual date, I'd say he is probing around to see what he can get from you without putting himself too much out there. Have fun but tread carefully.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes it is. He lives 2hr and 30 mins away and since summer just began i was gone for weeks at a time for vacation. we see eachother once a week now. he invited me to his dad's and sisters house for the weekend. the 3 times we saw eachother we spent getting to know eachother more. he knows i have trust issues which is why i need the gf label as reassurance but im starting to seperate the past hurt from him. he has long shown me how much he cares about me .. yet he doesnt take the next stepp.. i added as much detail as i cud..
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A
female
reader, nicewile +, writes (17 July 2010):
every woman you know has a misread the situation with you not only me.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (16 July 2010):
I am not gonna say he is intentionally playing you,- but surely he is being rather elusive. Or else, his interest in you is only moderate.
For instance : is this a LDR ? If not, why in 2 months of talking you only met 3 times ? And why this reluctance to being official ?, men at any age are like children with a new toy,if they really like you ,they want to flaunt you- they want everybody and his sister to know what great catch they made.
Again, I know too little about your story to say that he is just a callous user. Yet,if he is not simply keeping his options open, he is at least in no particular hurry to become closer to you. It sounds that you are more into him than viceversa, and this puts you in a vulnerable position. It does not mean you can't talk to him anymore or you can't just wait and see- but ,be careful not to have great expectations and not to misread the situation.
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