A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married but I also have a guy friend at work who is also married. We both aren't happy in our marriage but neither of us is willing to give up on it yet. We have been exchanging favors if you know what I mean. But it's just what I said it is favors. No connections or anything like that. And recently he told me that I needed to be more discreet and sneaky and I just want to know what that means
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 November 2009):
 You know, the more I think about it, the more I think he's cutting off the sex on the side bit. He just is doing it in a roundabout way. When was the last time you got together or talked about this?
My bet is he has gone into his foxhole and hopes you'll go away without too much of a fuss. If there are no emotions involved, then it should be easy to walk away on both your parts.
A
male
reader, Flashbacks +, writes (20 November 2009):
It just means he wants to continue to use you for sex in secrecy until the crap hits the fan, which it will eventually.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 November 2009):
 I think his wife has her nose in the air and has caught a scent.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 November 2009):
Another one I thought of: he's actually ending it but doesn't have the courtesy of saying it's over, so he's said "be more discreet" and then when you want to hook up, he won't be available any more. A coward's way out of a messy relationship, maybe?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 November 2009):
Wait, I thought of a few reason why he couldn't tell you what he meant. I'm just guessing here, of course.
One is that he doesn't want to spend any more money on you, because his wife is suspicious of his expenditures. He doesn't feel the need to spend any money on you, so he's found an excuse not to go out.
Another is that he's got another woman on the hook, besides you, and he doesn't want her to find out he's a player just yet. If you let it slip that you're involved, he might lose his shot at sleeping with her.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 November 2009):
Why didn't you just ask him that question? He's the one who said it, so he'll know exactly what he meant.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): That means dont go telling the world you are cheating. Apparently you are too obvious.
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A
female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (20 November 2009):
 He means you're being too obvious around other people that somethings going on between you, and he wants it hidden away so nobody finds out. This is ridiculous, if you're both unhappy with your marriages you should work on them, rather than further destroying them by screwing around behind your partners' backs.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 November 2009):
Knock off this nonsense immediately. If you aren't happy with your marriage do something to fix it, this is not an excuse to act like an idiot with some guy at work.
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