A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I have not had very many experiences in relationships. Some time ago, I got into a bad relationship and did not realize how bad it was until it began to threaten my performance at my job, my mood, my outlook on life and my confidence. I became withdrawn, nervous all the time, distracted and depressed. (Other than that, it was great. Just kidding.)I guess one reason why it took me so long to get out of (and I still second guess myself even now from time to time!) is that I have not had enough experience with good relationships.So my question is: what does a good relationship feel like? How do you know if it is healthy or not?I am lucky enough to have friends, so I have some idea from that, but I have to admit I have never really had a healthy romantic relationship. I appreciate your time and replies. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the replies!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): I may be cynical but I think very few people have truly "healthy" relationships or marriages. There's only different degrees of dysfunctionality and pain.
I see many people married for decades (including my parents and my in-laws) who seem unhappy with each other most of the time yet will continue to be married til death do they part. I find that quite depressing, but they apparently don't. I never understood that. Maybe they're resigned to being unhappy for much of the rest of their earthly life, who knows.
I think it just depends on your personal level of tolerance for discomfort in a relationship.
This is assuming that there isn't violence and fear and betrayal going on in your relationship. If there is, then for sure that's an unhealthy relationship.
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A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (24 July 2011):
 I would say that a healthy romantic relationship is relatively subjective. However, I do believe that there are three objective principles that should be found within a healthy romantic relationship: honesty, open communication, and a great sense of trust. If you can completely trust your partner in every facet of life, communicate maturely and openly whenever a situation arises (good or bad), and be honest with your partner, you likely have a very healthy relationship. If you can't communicate with or trust one another, there is likely to be a lot of feuding, and not any smooching or loving.
Now, why I say what is considered to be a healthy romantic relationship might be subjective is because a lot of people express their liking, or more importantly love, for another individual in a lot of different ways. For me, my ideal healthy relationship involves a lot of physical affection and not necessarily affectionate words. I prefer actions. If I am in a relationship where physical affection seems uncomfortable or forced, I know I'm in the wrong relationship because that is how I express myself. It depends on the person, obviously. Some people just aren't affectionate. Get what I mean? So, you will have to determine for yourself exactly what feels perfectly healthy.
Though, above all, honesty, trust, and open communication are the corner stones of a healthy and, thus, happy relationship. Best of luck! :-)
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A
male
reader, MugenTj +, writes (24 July 2011):
 A healthy relationship involves love, trust, respect, understanding, patience, confidence, compromise/sacrifice, fun and, dare I say, lots of sex (maybe more). It feels like all these things are required because they should be all parts of the same person. For me, it is what dream feels like. A person told me once, "if you are going to marry/love, she should be someone perfect (to you)". What I understood immediately from that suggestion was that I have to be very confident as well (and a person has to build that somehow). But what I just said is very idealistic, yet very possible.
My girl and I, we perform all of the above. We are so happy with one another that she said "I don't even like marriage, but I like you", or something along that line.
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