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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: What does a guy have to do to lose his freaking virginity?I've posted here a lot and I have taken everything I've been told to try and it just doesn't seem to work for me. I'm going to be 23 in April! I know I've made mistakes like going to a commuter college and doing an accelerated med program. 99% of the women at the med school are older than me. I am going to therapy for 9 months now and I see little benefit except for identified issues I already knew about. I went from wanting long term relationships in high school to just wanting to get laid now. Just to know I'm attractive enough to have sex with. I get it. I'm not what girls want. I'm not even 5'9. I'm not a raging socialite who has girls fighting over him. I have so much pent up anger/shame about this I take out at the gym but it never goes away. I need advice on what to do to lose my virginity. I still live at home with parents(moving out in July hopefully) and have to lie to most of my guy friends that I have had sex. I'm not religious so maintaining my virginity has no actual value to me. I'm almost 23 and having a frequent/epic sex life is very important to me. Most girls my age are more experienced to me and thats unacceptable to me in terms of my own experience. I've approached women before and asked them out and every rejection is taking me lower.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2016): I wonder if there is an epidemic of guys, men in this generation who have never had a girlfriend before, so many guys in their 20's and 30's
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (7 January 2016):
 I think this is the crux of your problem..
"I'm almost 23 and having a frequent/epic sex life is very important to me"
You have fallen into the trap where you believe everything you read/see/hear about sex, the frequency of sex, and the "epic-ness" of sex. And that everyone is at it like rabbits, all the time.
Believe me, its not real.
Reality, is a very very very different thing. Sex is not all it is cracked up to be most of the time. Its nothing like you see on the tv or in porn.
I was an older virgin. I felt just like you - that no man would ever want to touch me or find me attractive. From my own experiences I can tell you that the whole experience was not as "epic" as perhaps people make it out to be. Reality is far more mundane. It leaves you wondering what all the fuss is about.
Yes it is nice. And fun. And exciting. But I fear you have got a false view of just how incredible it is, and may well be disappointed by the reality.
when it comes to sex. People lie. All the time.
No one wants to lose face and let people know they are not having sex regularly. Men in particular want to be seen as sex-gods, studs and alpha males. They will LIE about the frequency of their sexual conquests. They will also lie about their abilities and the size of their equipment. It is human nature to not want to be seen to me missing out, or being less attractive to the opposite sex.
It's all about being seen as No. 1 male within a social group. If people are bragging about sex, don't believe a word they are saying.
I expect you are not alone in your lack of experience within your social acquaintances. But like you - these people are not going to share their situation or feelings. They too lie, pretend to save face. You may well be surprised if you knew the truth.
For what its worth, girls generally don't want to be used as sexual toys, purely as an aid to get a man off. Your attitude of "oh well casual sex is ok because both sides are getting it" may put a lot of girls off. Until you have experienced sex, you have no idea about the emotions or connections that can occur. Sex complicates relationships - it is not as easy to let go as you think.
You appear to want a woman who is of the same experience level as you - not one who can show you the ropes. Virgin girls will be shy, nervous, and scared (although trying to hide it), if you go in with the intention of just having sex they will run a mile.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2016): All of the advice below that I've read is considerate, warm, and heartfelt advice. Even the anonymous male reader who gave the excellent advice to work on anger issues and your personality. he even relates to you plight, but has a very sound attitude. He sounds like a really likable guy. That's what women are really attracted to before they're willing to give-up their bodies. You certainly can't just walk-up to some random female and ask for sex unless; you're going to pay for it through a sex-worker. Then soliciting might land you in jail, or with a permanent STD.
I read each of your answers as you shot everyone down. Which you seem to be pretty good at. I assume that is exactly how you approach women. Anything and everything anyone offers you in a positive way, you find some reason why it's no good for you.
Well, as I said before; your attitude is your problem. Your defeatist attitude is costing you all sorts of opportunities. Continue with your therapy, your problem really has nothing to do with your virginity.
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A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (7 January 2016):
It's very simple, OP. You want something. But you gotta offer something in return.
What do you have to offer a girl? Being nice is not enough. That's the bare minimum. No, I mean, what do you have that will make a girl think spending time with you is going to be fun?
Because just sex, well, let me tell you about guys who go around shagging girls because they need to get off: they're not any good in the sack and many girls will rather satisfy themselves on their own than spread their legs for some dude who's just going to use them.
So, what are your unique selling points? Do you have hobbies, interests, ambitions? Are you a good listener? Can you have a discussion with someone without getting mad? Can you teach her something? Be it a new point of view or knowledge about a certain subject. Etc.
If you were a character in a book or a movie, would you hold the reader/viewer's attention? If not, what negative traits do you have that could use work? Use these as subjects for your therapy sessions. Also, what are some things you'd like to try? Go do them. Do stuff that translates into entertaining stories.
I have a friend who built a hovercraft from a vacuum cleaner and a lawnmower. His parttime job is catching chickens. In the summer he travels to places I've never even heard of on his own. They're not necessarily far away either. They just caught his interest, so he went. Now, I'm not telling you to make a new invention. (that hovercraft crashed after three tries). I'm just telling you to make your life more interesting. My friend is one of the most interesting people I know, because he just goes and does stuff whilst most of us stay here and think about why that would be a bad idea.
If all that isn't appealing for you, you can visit an escort (but for god's sake use protection and make sure the whole thing is as legit as possible). They'll take your money.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2016): I know exactly how you feel. I'll be 26 in July, and I'm a male virgin too. I've never kissed a girl and never had a date. I've tried online dating, asking out girls I met at conventions, classes, and it all ends in rejection. People don't get it, the need for it. You want to feel like you're normal. Any guy can seduce women and have sex, and you can't. And then what will you mean to experienced women? Next to nothing like gum on the bottom of her shoe? It makes you feel so repulsive and as a fat ugly man, I already feel that way without the virginity issue. I can't say I have any advice for you because I have no success story. What I can offer is to work on your anger issues, dude. You're in therapy, you have a physical outlet, keep stearing in that direction. I'm the most mellow I've ever been since I worked on my stress and anger issues. I basically gave up on my pursuit of looking for sex. I draw, I write creatively, I play video games, watch crazy movies. All of these help me to calm down and become laid back. Makes people want to hang out with me more. Sure, I still have never been on a date but it's better to have friends then be lonely. Now giving up might sound stupid but I'm just saying it's what I did. Find a way to relax and just become social. You more than likely have a better chance than me at finding opportunities of sex and romance; you just have to unwind. Bruce Lee said: "Be formless. Shapeless. Like water."
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female
reader, anonem +, writes (6 January 2016):
 It seems to me you are bowing to peer pressure. From your post, you keep on insinuating how everyone around you is not a virgin and how you seem ashamed to tell your friends you are still a virgin.
Firstly, why do you want to have sex? That should be your first reason. Is it because of your friends you want to do it, or for your own sexual gratification or because you feel rejected, time is ticking and you feel you become more worthless if you do not have this sex because most of the people u surround yourself with aren't virgins.
Stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to have sex. Let it be natural. And trust me if as a guy you can't handle rejection, i rest my case. And you have been rejected several times by this women because they can sense your desperation.
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male
reader, Forge +, writes (6 January 2016):
 I just have to ask, and please do reply.
If you aren't happy with the person you are because that person hasn't had sex, has it ever occurred to you that maybe sex isn't all it's cracked up to be? Movies, TV, and definitely pornography have over-glorified sex. I'm 16 years old and have one of the worst situations a person could get into right now, but I'm still happy. And I'm still a virgin, gladly so.
It may have been how I was raised, but I believe sex isn't just an act like breathing. I believe it should be between a couple who love each other dearly and beyond death. Married couples are the ones who come to mind.
So perhaps you're looking at it the wrong way. Maybe you're giving sex too much credit. I don't think it'll be all the media makes it look. I think it'll be much different.
-Forge
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2016): I would try online dating. Take some cute pics and put yourself online. Or maybe ask one of your female friends to help you out. Someone you trust. Or befriend one of the woman at your school or gym. I think its a numbers game. You may have to ask out 100 woman. Someone's bound to say yes.
Good Luck. Stop overthinking. At some point it will happen. Probably not what you want to hear. But it's the truth.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2016): If nothing works for you, why bother with going to therapy or posting here?
Nothing works like time, experience, perseverance, and a positive-attitude.
Nay-Sayers, cynics and pessimists always dismiss advice regardless of the source. No one can talk you into happiness or acceptance. That's all self-induced.
Someday you'll have sex and someday someone will like you enough to want to be with you.
If nothing anyone ever offers you in advice ever works for you, maybe that says something about your attitude and personality. Perhaps that's the problem. Keep working on it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2016): I believe your problem is you see women as objects and not humans and individuals. You want to get land... So see a prostitute if gjetting your penis inserted is what matters.
If you want a girlfriend, have you given any though to who you want, why, and gotten to know her?
Women are not put on earth to sexually satisfy men. Thats not what we are born for.
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