A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For the most part I am a positive person and try to give off positive energy to others. But the last few months have been hell for me. I feel like I'm going to have a mental break down. 2015 was a horrible year for me. I lost my father on thanksgiving day and took it very hard. 1 month later my husband tells me he's divorcing me after 10 years of being with him. I found out he was seeing another woman behind my back while my father was dying. When I asked my husband if he was leaving me to be with her he said he didn't know and didn't want to talk about it. The night before this happened we made love and he was telling me he loved me. I can't wrap my head around it. He couldn't even give me the closure I deserved. I begged him not to leave like a fool. I told him to please let's make this work, let's try counseling and that I would do anything. He told me no he doesn't want to work this out and that he's no longer happy with me. I moved out that day and in with my mom. Haven't heard from my husband in 3 weeks. I've come to accept that he's done and refuses to give me any answers as to why he's not happy and why he would cheat instead of just coming to me first. I cannot focus at work and have been waking up in the middle of the night panicking and crying. I'm not perfect and I've made mistakes too (never cheated or played with his emotions though), but I feel as if I was a really good wife and I didn't deserve to be treated this way. I never could imagine him doing this to me. He didn't even act like he cared. I lost the 2 most important people in my life and I feel horrible. How am I suppose to just rebuild my life and start over after 10 years? I thought I was going to be with him forever. What can I do to have a better year this year? What can I do to become happy again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2016): you sound like a strong lady, to be able to deal with these traumas all at once. Please remember that the future still holds a bright one for you, you have new beginnings and new adventures, new loves ( although you won't see any of this at this sad time).I would also suggest bereavement counselling to help you through this, you have had two massive losses and probably feel shell shocked.Our bonds of love for those who leave us through death, never die and I believe they always stay with us throughout our life. Those that leave us through life, have new pathway's to take just as we have.This time is your 'healing time' and you need to just take care of you, without fighting for a marriage that is clearly over. You want and deserve a life filled with true love not emptiness. When we get hit it sometimes happens all at once, and even makes us feel like wear heading for a mental breakdown. This is why it is so important to let life flow as naturally as possible at this time (fight nothing) peace and relaxation and filling your spirit with special memories of time with your father.Life will get better and you will be seeing a brighter future (in time). I healed after feeling like i had been catapulted into a blackness that i had never known before,the pain does stop. Good Luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2016): I am very sorry for your loss and this stressful period you are going through.The panicking and crying are all symptoms of the grief you are going through, coupled with the disbelief at the cruelty. Keep a journal and write down your feelings, no matter what they are. You will experience anger,and some resentment too. Keep up with your hobbies; if you are religious, seek out counseling with your pastor or priest or elder. Also, keep in mind this will take time and there is no quick solution. Right now you are still in shock over your husband's behavior and the timing is cruel, you are probably questioning if you knew him at all and who is this person you were married to for 10 years.It is all part of the process.I would also suggest contacting a lawyer if you haven't done so and knowing your options. Keep any evidence of the infidelity that you have.Be kind to yourself. It's okay to be sad and allow yourself to grieve. A grief counselor is a great and will help you process things.All the best to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2016): I'm sorry for your loss.
For some reason when I experience a loss of some kind I like to feel as sad as possible afterwork and weekends. For work I pull it together and get stuff done. I can't afford to loose my job. But afterwork I go home and literally cry myself to sleep. On the weekends I'll stay in bed both days. Shower and eat. But do nothing else. After a few weeks I feel so much better. I think facing the sadness head on and embracing it is the best way to start the process of healing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2016): My dear, I'm so very sorry for your losses. The grief is way too much to handle alone. I do seriously recommend that you get some grief counseling, and a physical examination to be sure you don't fall into depression.
Seek solace and comfort from all your other loved-ones. People often neglect the others who love them for the one that is lost. That's the time when you need your family most; and you shouldn't overlook those offering you love and comfort. Your mind needs time to accept the finality of the loss of your father. I cannot fathom how your husband could drop this on you at such a time; but you will survive it all. It just doesn't seem that way now, but you will.
Take good care of your health. Spend more of your time with family and friends, and avoid alcohol and drugs. Don't even take prescribed sedatives, unless you absolutely need them.
Doctors are often all too generous with prescribed sedatives, and people end-up addicted to them. Just realize that death of loved-ones and divorce are facts of life. People survive them.
I'm a survivor of the loss of a 28-year partnership. He died of cancer. I've lost two sisters to cancer, one to a blot-clot to the brain, and I've lost both parents. Never thought I could survive it. I did a lot of praying, reaching out to friends, accepting love from family, co-workers, neighbors, and daily fought my own inner-fight to stay sane. Here I am, helping others who are now experiencing similar losses and pain. I'm no super human, but I'm stronger than I ever though I was when each incident first hit me. I'm as sensitive and vulnerable as anybody else. We don't know our real strength until it's tested. i have faith to fall back on, and wonderful people in my life who stuck by me. I am blessed. So are you, if you have a mom to lean on in your time of need. Nothing beats mom's love and affection. Nothing!
My dear lady, I wish you the best; and I say that from my heart. You will survive this, and my prayers go out to you.
Take it one day at a time, and show more love for those you still have.
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