A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:note: i am changing all details and painting the picture/situation accurately to find advice/suggestion...should i fight for her.title:Boy from Kansas meets girl from Italy. She's 33 and i'm 36....we dated for 3 years, i'm 36 and to be as modest as possible, girls have chased me in the past. i finally met the girl (yes she chased me, but as much as i chased her-equally) that i thought i wanted to share the rest of my life with-faithfully, 100%. to the normal guy, she was not the "trophy wife". to the normal guy she was quite plane, but to me she was everything inside out and more. for the last 3 years, watching TV with or without cable...was fun for both of us.So as the title says, "boy from Kansas meets girl from Italy". She had been around the world her whole life, where i have only been outside my home state only recently and never outside my country. yet, i was her longest relationship. i was 32 while she was 29 when we started dating. ....i dont want to kill you (the reader) with details but whenever she traveled back home in "Italy" or her family would visit...she would get emotional (which i understood-i get the same way since ive lived in Chicago my whole life until the last 5 years, home is home). neither of us ever married or have kids....and the last 4 month stretch where her sister...than her mother from "Italy" visited, she would become detached. I was also emotional as my 36th bday was coming up....so i asked her, if there was a future, with marriage and kids were possible? She responded that our 'values' were too different...yet she said she wasn't sure if she was going back home or not (she is in USA on her 2nd working visa) she said that, even if she wanted to go back home she wasn't sure if she could even be successful--even with the education and professional experience she gained in the US...etc. I too was emotional and told her to leave and find someone with similar values.......We've been broken up, its been 3 months. and i know we didn't break up from cheating or meeting another person. i feel that we were right. yet, we only broke up on a note where we were both experiencing our own emotional challenges....yet, what does a kid from Kansas have to offer a girl from Italy? Should I fight for her? Thanks for reading----ANY advice would be appreciated. Thanks again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionChicago (Kansas) Tokyo (Italy)
...so i finally gave it enough time and called her to have lunch on sunday afternoon....i wanted to keep it casual but towards the end we began to talk....
...i'm of Asian decent but not Japanese, and she believes that i wouldnt be able to support her in her country. let alone the difficulties of learning a whole new custom, and language, and me becoming homesick...i have a rough background back home and she mentioned, what would i teach a kid (if we had one) with my rough background while living and learning new customs and language?
all in all, the practical side of her has taken over any signs of 'love'. she does not seem willing to meet in the middle or even try. sure, she said she misses hanging out with me but long term, she doesn't see happening, so why try? it is amazing how people, and emotional ties can change or vanish so quickly....but it is a reality that happens everyday for us.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks pepper27. I am gonna go for it and i'll post an update...whatever happens. I very much appreciate your response...but i'm not sure i can give you the dodge :) Thanks again!
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female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (7 July 2009):
 yes mate do it!!!!!!!
You never know you could be living in italy in 2yrs time, Go for it hun. Wot have you got to loose at this moment NOTHING!!!!! sweep her off her feet mate, Show her how much you are willing to do for her and win this girl back!!!!!!!!:):):)
Im waiting here hoping for good news TAKE CARE OF YOU HUN WITH LOVE AND LOTS OF PRAYERS MANDY (can I have the dodge??? lol!!!!)GOODLUCK XXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBTW-
TalkingHelps- Thanks! Move to Italy? Funny that our mutual friend asked me that after she had coffee with my EX. honestly, i wish the discussion would take place because i would sell my '09 Dodge Challenger, drop any idea of buying a motorcycle and say good bye to my friends and family to walk to the end of the world with this nobby knee'd girl.
QuirkLady and pepper27- your damn words finally made me drop a tear-Thank You. I'm not the crying type but what you guys wrote reinforced what my gut feeling keeps telling me. I'm only afraid to do it because i might make the situation worse.
Thanks again!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, thank you gals so much for your responses, they mean alot to me. between the 3 months we've been apart, 3 forms of communication had occurred where i did begin fighting for her. i should have added this to the original post but i didnt expect anyone to respond.
her bday was last month and i did something out of character (she knows this) and i had a dozen long stem roses sent to her work. the night before when midnight hit, i text her happy bday and to check her door where i left her a present. (we are both professionals working in the art field, so i made her kids book, about us---sounds silly at 36 but this was the type of couple we were---and ive never chased a girl like this ever in my life)......i only got a thank you text back.
...2 weeks ago, out of the blue, i got a text from her saying 'hi, how are you:) when i responded she never responded back.
...1 week ago a mutual friend had coffee with her and i got a bit of info. our mutual friend, trying hard not to be too 'gossipy' (which i respect) did inform that she does really miss me alot, curious what ive been doing and even showed her photo of the roses i sent to her work. (apparently she had taken a picture of it) but our mutual friend also said that she still is 'probably' going to move back to Italy when her visa ends in 2 years, but also really likes her new job here in the US, since she is one of the top designers for a big company in downtown....
i want to continue fighting because i know she is well worth it, worth my ego being humiliated, and worth winning. basically, i love everything she hates about herself. but im not sure when it becomes annoying since she sounds so confused, even worse than me.
Thanks again for taken the time to read this, and again, any responses are very much appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): You could fight and move to Italy, she obviously is very homesick!
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (5 July 2009):
 If you love her and you know that she is the one you want, then yes, fight for her! Values can be learned. Love cannot. Give it a try...at the very least you can be proud of reaching for the stars.Good luck! I'm rooting for you!
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female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (5 July 2009):
Hi Hunny
You love this girl and by the sounds of it she to loves you..The fact that she lived in and has been brought up in a different country to me are neither here or there...Yes different cultures have different values and of course different views on alot of things but one thing will always remain the same and that sweetheart is love...If you really want this then Id try and go for it, You can only do your best at trying to get the girl of your dreams mate..I would go for it hun and then at least you have tryed, I hope things work out for you WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXX
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