A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:2 years ago, I met a boy and we fell in love with each other immediately. Everyone could see that we felt something for each other. It was like a fairy tale. He was very shy and he kept his eyes only on me. We have never seen eachother anymore because of the distance between us but we kept in touch. He didnt talk to me for a long time but after a few months, and 2 days chatting, he told me he loved me very much. I felt the same for him so we got together. He still didnt talk to me that often and every time we talked we ended up sadly, because he acted like he was "so amazing" and I was pushy and jealous. Once I called him names and he became so angry that he didnt talk to me for 2 months (but I had the feeling it was way more than just 2 months, and I was really, really sad). After that time I desided to set aside my pride (what I had to do over and over again, and what made me feel very low) and talk to him. In the beginning it went very well, then we stopped talking, and then he asked me why i talked to him and, again, we ended up sadly. 1 Week later he talked to me and it seemed like he regretted for his deeds. I thought that the best thing to do was to tell him that we are just friends. Since then we almost never talked, actually, only when I sent him a sms or talked to him first. I also met his friend in that time, but we didnt keep in touch, until I added him on fb, and later on msn. We talked and talked and we ended up having webcam sex till 7 o clock in the morning. He told me they are not good friends and that the other boy was very childish. Now, every time we chatted we had webcamsex, and every time we did that I felt like I cheated on the other boy. Now this boy tells me that he loves me and he wants to be with me. I havent chatted with the other boy for a long time. One day I saw he was online and i came online too. When I did that he went offline immediately and then I blocked him. He came online and I unblocked him. He stayed for a while but he didnt talk to me. He went offline again and than I decided to block him until he contacts me. So, my problem is, I just want to get back with him, even though he made me sometimes very mad and he made me cry. I still think of him all the time. Sometimes I even dream of him. I get this weard feeling in my stomach and my heart starts bouncing harder and my breath stops when I only hear his name. But, now im afraid, and i know almost certainly that he knows what Ive done with his friend. I feel like I cheated on him and at the same time I feel like Im just playing with the other boys heart, even though I dont really know if I should trust the other boy. I dont even know if its still love what I feel for this boy or if became something else like hate. So my question is, what do you think that I feel and what do you think that I should do to get him back?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Thank you so much! I met them both when I was on vacation with my family, and they were also with their familys, they knew eachother, but appearently they are not so good friends (I think). I have tried to not contact him for weeks, but I just couldnt wait anymore. Now my feelings are not that strong as in the beginning, so im trying to do something with my life and to just let it the way it is, until he contacts me. Were both very young, so I can wait. This was very helpfull. :D
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (30 November 2010):
Hi there. This is a big mixup isn't it?
So the first boy you actually met and went out with, but then one of you moved away. Is that right?
Then you had webcam sex with his mate? Unless he has told your ex boyfriend, he probably doesn't know.
Webcam sex could be considered to be cheating, I think. It's almost the same thing, even if it's not a reality.
Only you can know what you feel.
You haven't met the second boy, have you? Talking over the internet isn't the same as talking face to face. Even though on webcam you can see each other, it's still not the same.
So really, you are comparing an actual real life boyfriend, to the second boy, who you haven't even met, and may never meet.
Because your ex boyfriend is a long distance relationship, you might never see him again either.
You do need to give your ex some space, and you have to keep your self respect and don't become anxious about what he's thinking. So no more texting him. This probably annoys him a bit. It does make you seem needy and desperate - in his eyes.
So from now on, let him text you next - even if it's a couple of weeks. But wait patiently till he does. If it gets to be more than 2 weeks, then wait another 2 weeks and just see what happens. But still wait, for whatever time it takes.
When and if he does call or text you, just be friendly, and keep it light. Ask him - "How's life been?"
Whatever you do, don't ask him why he hasn't been in contact with you - that might make him angry. Simply act as if there has been no gap in contact. Act as if nothing has happened.
In the meantime, just make your own life as interesting and exciting as it can be and don't just sit at home - waiting for him to call. If you do just sit at home in anticipation of his call and then he does call, it will show in your voice (no matter what you say), that you've been waiting for him to call you. He'll pick up on it.
When you do talk again, and he asks you what you've been up to, just say - "Lots of things. Just enjoying life." - but don't give any more details. If he persists in asking more questions, just say - "Just stuff" - this will let him know that it's not open for discussion. In saying all these things, just be kind and friendly - don't be sarcastic, angry or upset. Also, be respectful.
Say this, even if you have hardly gone out at all. After all, he's not to know that now, is he? This is exactly what you want him to think anyway. It lets him know that you are an independent young woman, who knows who she is, and what she wants out of life. It's very empowering, believe me. When you have this attitude about life (without being arrogant), you will never again be taken for granted by anyone.
This leaves a bit of mystery about yourself, and makes you even more interesting. A little bit of a challenge for him. It will certainly make him wonder, in any case.
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